Sometimes it is the Hardest Thing to do…

Dew's Blog

…letting a person go.  Every so often…and I am willing to bet a dollar to a dime that we all come to a point when we must end a “ship” in our life.  Some are easier than other to walk away from.  Today, I was faced with an ultimate decision…should I keep a person in my life…or should I continue to subscribe to these internal emotions that I have suppressed on the inside of me and ignored for an extraordinary amount of time.  Before I made the decision a number of things entered into my mind (and I will come back to this at another point).

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

Just the other day I wrote a post about Seasons, Reasons, and Lifetimes.  The crazy thing is…I was oblivious to the fact that this blog…

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I’ve got some issues that nobody can see& all of these emotions are pourin’ outta me.

bedlamm

 

How can you love someone you’ve never met and will never know? Is it even possible to love something that will never be a part of your life? The answer to these is neither simple nor obvious. It’s just how it is.

Growing up I never knew my dad, held no memory of him, and will forever have no idea of how his voice sounded. Truthfully, there is very little that I know about him. I’ve been told that he was an amazing wrestler, that he was one of the funniest people one could ever meet, and that all he ever wanted was a family of his own.  But these are things I’ve merely been told, and sadly they don’t hold as much value compared to if they were things I had experienced first hand. I don’t know how he thought. I don’t know what his favourite breakfast cereal was…

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Two Reasons, One Way

ImageWICKER PARK (2004).

Hearing the title, I thought it was a suspense and that’s when my brother told me that it was really a love story.

Story about little obsessions which turns into bigger  and complicated things; sometimes good and most of the time bad. A lil bit like love; most of the time good but sometimes bad.

Love is what drives this movie. Love is what drives Daniel (Christoper Cousins) to stalk Lisa (Diane Kruger). Love is what drives Alex (Rose Byrne) to do the things she had done to make Matthew (Josh Hartnett) and Lisa apart. Love is what drives Matthew to continuously search for Lisa. Love is what drives Lisa to believe in Matthew. The story also revolves around destiny. Whatever others do, whatever happens, destiny definitely knows its way.

But destiny alone will not work, it needs love and act. Matthew and Lisa found each other because destiny leads them to one another regardless of who or what stop them, no matter how much one doesn’t want them to.

Because I think, there are just two reasons for that; it is love, the other is destiny.

^~~~^

Waiting For The Unknown

I ALSO got tired. Patience. A saying Patience is a virtue is widely known. Yeah it’s true but not all the time. What if the time would come when you can’t take it anymore, is it still a virtue? What if you waited enough, long enough?

Just like me, I am one of the others who are patience. When it comes to waiting, I am a patient one. People must be sensitive with what others are doing for them, with what others are feelings. The ones who can’t wait long enough maybe the ones who were once a patient who just got tired of waiting, got tired of hoping.

Just be aware of people around you, of people who waits for you. Maybe they just didn’t let it out, that they are already weary because they don’t want you to feel heavy. You can tell, you can feel. Be aware. Because when one got pissed off, you never know what they can do, what they are capable of, what they can sacrifice even if it means something. I have been that person. I have been waiting, for so long, so many times. I have been waiting for hours, for days, years and I have been waiting for all of my life. Waiting is just fine I can say, but waiting alone? It was worst! Why? Because I was alone. Just think of yourself. Alone. Waiting for someone you haven’t had the slightest idea if that someone will ever come. It’s not entertaining eh?

^~~~^

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking.

bedlamm

 

Jealousy makes even the most confident of women turn into a self-conscious child. Most of the time we hide our jealousy and insecurity with pure hatred, because we’re afraid to admit the truth. We’re afraid to admit that the problem isn’t with them, but with us. That we’re the problem.

There have been many people throughout my life that I have claimed to hate. And each and every one contained some quality or experience that I didn’t, and was jealous of. I’ve claimed to hate people because I can’t handle the fact that they’ve had friendships and relationships with people that I haven’t, because I don’t want to admit that I’m not the person that was wanted. That somehow I’m undesirable and they possess some innate quality that I don’t, which attracts the people I care about in a way I never could.

All women judge other women, comparing…

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World @ 360

WHEN THE world suddenly turns upside down, most of us say, oh I don’t know what will happen to us anymore! But that is just something we told ourselves just maybe to ‘make us slow down’. That is not totally the truth coz we all know what will happen to us when the world, out of the blue, turns upside down. We’re just like a toddler, afraid of what’s ahead of us. And what are we afraid of? We’re afraid to accept the truth about the world, the truth that lies in life;

Losing what you have
Ending where you have started

Hating what you love
Unloving what you have loved
Liking what you didn’t like
Unwanting what you wanted
Wanting what you need
Unneeding what you want

Telling what must be kept
Keeping what must be told
Showing what you didn’t feel
Acting what you didn’t like to show
Saying what you didn’t want to say
Hurting people you didn’t want to hurt

Waiting for what have been there
Searching for what was there
Looking for the unknown

When the truth fools you
When the truth teach you how to lie
When the lies reveal the truth
When the lies itself lead to the truth
When people live because of death
When people died because of life
When people love because of hatred
When people hate because of love

When the world turn 360 degrees, that’s when veracity strikes us like a bullet aiming for its bull’s eye!

^~~~^

Full of Emptiness

TODAY I am poured with such information. I search for it and now I found it. But I don’t know what to do. I long for it to know and now I know it. But I don’t know how to react. No one said this is hard. No one warned me that this will be not simple as what I’ve expected it to be. No one teach me what to do and how to react in times like this. No one seems to care.

This is the feeling when you expect what you’re expecting. When you knew what you will find out but then finding out even if you already knew is absurd. I realized ‘knowing what you will find out’ and ‘really finding out’ are two different thing.

This night is a night full of emptiness. I am right now full of emptiness. I forgot to speak, to talk, to see, to hear, I forgot to breath, I even forgot to live for a while. I forgot who am I. Feeding me with such information I wanted to eat but I didn’t dare to swallow. I didn’t want to digest it, because in the first place I don’t understand!

‘Knowing’ and ‘understanding’ are just like ‘knowing what you will find out’ and ‘founding out’. They are two very very unlike word. And understanding is a lot more difficult and a lot more complicated. It requires listening, thinking, and feelings. While the latter requires just ears and eyes! Just to hear and to see, not to listen and not to be aware.

I knew too much but I think it is not yet enough and I need to know more. I didn’t know if a little more or a lot more, all I know is that I need to know more. I need to, in order for me to understand what to be understood.. Eating. It’s like eating. Eating is knowing and knowing what you will find. And swallowing is understanding and finding out. What a process…

^~~~^