If I am The Water–

WATER, THERE comes a time when I wanted to be the water. Why?

Everybody needs water. If I am the water then everybody will need me. Not everyone loves water but no matter what they do, they can’t live without it. If I am the water then even if everyone doesn’t love me, they can’t survive without me. Even if somebody hurts the water; punch it, kick it, hit it, throw it, it will never get hurt. If I am the water then if somebody wanted to hurt me in every way they can, it doesn’t matter what they do, they’ll just tire themselves because I will never get hurt.

Water has freedom; the water that flows in the river, the water in the ocean, the water in the falls, the water in the spring, the water in the rain. If I am the water then I’ll have my freedom; I can be anywhere, I can be everywhere.

But the water also got its limitation. It is imprisoned. It is being controlled. The water can’t do anything about it. Imprisoned in the bottles, in plastics, in glasses. Controlled by faucets, by hosts, by people. But even if it is imprisoned and controlled, it is not hurt at all.

The water is too powerful. The water can’t be defeated. The water is still invincible. If I am the water then even if others do anything to hurt me, even if others control my life, I will never be hurt. I am powerful. I can’t be defeated by anyone at all. I am invincible. I will never feel any pain.

But.. I am not the water. And it’s impossible not to feel any hurt, any pain, anything. I am a human being who have a heart, a heart to feel, can feel. I am not the water and I will never be the water. Never will I be invincible. If I am just the water.. then my life would be just be—


It Won’t Go Away

MAYBE THERE are feelings that won’t go away
in my heart I knew it will forever stay
Coz there are things that we can’t forget
have it started the moment we met
A wonderful friendship we’ve built
ended by what? Now there’s guilt.

Look, what happened? I didn’t understand
just one day, upside down, it’s how it stand
Over the years we knew one another
new and newer lil secrets we gather
And yet something breaks the bond between us
since then, things started falling apart in a dust.

Remember the times you made me cry?
even the times when you just wanna try
You remember the times you being a gentleman?
even the times you are just you having fun
So much I see of you, and I know there’s more to you.

For all the jokes you have told
and all the thoughts you have mold
nothing really left my mind
dear, I’ll say you’re one of a kind.

In my dreams you’re often there
as if you’re bringing me farther
lost in that place I call as dreamland
and there we are, you’re holding my hand
neither it was true, but still, it was you.

“maybe it won’t ever go away coz there’s no other way,
just came and stay oh it’ll stay


Lost for Words, Out of Tears

IT’S BLINKING… It’s blinking…
Waiting for me. But it seems impatient.
So I started to type —tap tap tap tap
It’s still blinking… It’s blinking…
I can’t make it stop. It won’t stop.
And I want it to stop. But I didn’t stop typing.
Just so it’ll be constant. Somehow it will slow down.
But it’s still blinking… It’s blinking…
Make it stop. I want it to stop.
I don’t want anymore blinking. But it wouldn’t stop.
Why? Now I’m out of words. Now I’m lost for words.
I can’t make it stop. But please…
It’s still blinking… It’s blinking…
So I’ll just leave it. Nothing I can do.
It’s blinking… It’s blinking…
I’m mixed up. I’m drained.
So be it. So be it.

It’s hurting me… It’s hurting me…
Waiting for me to give up. But it seems oblivious.
So I started to cry —tears tears tears tears
It’s still hurting me… It’s hurting me…
I can’t make it stop. It won’t stop.
And I want it to stop. But I didn’t stop crying.
Just so it’ll be out of me. Somehow it will ease the pain.
But it’s still hurting me… It’s hurting me…
Make it stop. I want it to stop.
I don’t want anymore pain. But it wouldn’t stop.
Why? Now I’m out of tears. Now I’m lost for reasons.
I can’t make it stop. But please…
It’s still hurting me… It’s hurting me…
So I’ll just leave it. Nothing I can do.
It’s hurting me… It’s hurting me…
I’m messed up. I’m empty.
So be it. So be it.


It’s Not a Title

MY GOODNESS! I hate this feeling very much! I’m so down. I wanted to cry. I’m dying inside.

Her words have power. Her words have stabbed me without warning. I just read her message for me and it hurts me. The message didn’t mind if it hurts me. I know it’s plain and straightforward but.. but it has a power over me.

I just wanted to yell. I wanted to punch just to let it out. Just to let the hurt, the pain out of me. I was bleeding inside. I want to talk to someone, to release this heaviness I’m carrying inside because I’m feeling that anytime, any moment I could burst. It’s like everybody turned their back on me. It’s like the world turned upside down. My world..

Please watch your words. It’s as sharp as a knife that stabbed me, as fast as a train that hit me. It’s as shit as a shit as a shit which hurts me. Please watch your words, how you throw them at someone. Please… you’re hurting me.


Bestfriend Is More Than Just a Label

I’VE GOT no bestfriend. I never call anyone as my bestfriend rather. Yes I do have friends. Lots of them. But the thing is, from them, who are the true ones? But the thing is, from them, how will I know who are the true ones? I just want to leave it unanswered.

Bestfriend. One of my friends asked me; can you be my bestfriend? And my answer? I think it’s not a thing to ask for. It’s in the people. If they think you are a best friend to them then so be it. Do you think I’m rude for answering like that? I mean, yes, that friend of mine is one of my close friends. And I’m really overwhelmed she have asked that. I wanted to be her bestfriend but the thing is I’m afraid that our friendship will just become a label. I’m afraid that if I just answered her, okay then we’re bestfriends, our friendship will just be based from that label; a label without caring, a label without understanding, a label just so there’s a label, just a label and nothing more. And I never wanted it to happen.

Bestfriend. One of my friends asked me; who’s that? Your bestfriend? And my answer? Ah I don’t know, a close friend, yes, a close friend. Again, I never ever called anyone, even those who are close to me, as my bestfriend. So I have chosen to call them simply as friend or a close friend.

Bestfriend. I don’t have one. Or maybe I’m afraid to call one as my bestfriend. But deep inside me, I know who my bestfriends are. There are just things that scared me. Things that I don’t want to happen. Things that I don’t want to feel. Things that will flip my world upside down. Things that will swallow me. Things that will hurt me. Things that will… Maybe I fear that what if I call someone as my bestfriend and it’s not vice versa? Maybe I fear that what if I call someone as my bestfriend and it’ll just remain as a label? Maybe I fear that what if I call someone as my bestfriend and it’s not true at all?


I’d rather have a friendship built by understanding
than a friendship built by just a label.

I’d rather have a friendship with trust
than a friendship with label.

I’d rather have a friendship because of caring
than a friendship because of labeling.

I’d rather have a friendship bonded by one another
than a friendship bonded by a label.

I’d rather have a friendship strengthen thru time
than a friendship strengthen thru label.

I’d rather have a friendship that’s true and everlasting
than a friendship that’s unsure.

Let’s just not forget that friendship is not a label. Friendship is not about giving someone a label. Friendship is not about calling someone with a label.. Maybe one day, I can finally call, out loud, who my bestfriend(s) is(are) with all my heart.


She Shouldn’t Be Looking For It

SHE WANNA be in. She wanted to be in the trend. And what’s in? Everybody seems to be in love. Everyone seems to be happy about it. She wants to be one of those everybody, she wants to be  one of those everyone.

So she made a step to be one. A step that will finally makes her smile every time. A step that her feet have been waiting to take. A step that will make her in in the circle of lovers. A step to look for love.

Yes, she did look for love. Never did she think that the step she took will lead her not to the path she wanted. It took her to the path of pain. The path of pain where hurt is her guidance. She forced herself to search for it and remorse grew inside her. She shouldn’t be looking for love. There is a right time for it. There is a right person for her.


Learn To Say; All is Well

3 Idiots (2009) – HAVE YOU ever asked yourself (wherever you are right now, whatever you’re doing right now) about what you have reached and what you are now, is it your plan? Or a plan of others for you? Think. Go back to where you started. Remember the dream you wanted for yourself and not the others’ dream for you. This is a movie which reveals a story behind everyone, especially college students. A story about competition, pride, hope, faith, family, love, life, and —friends. This must-watch movie touches my heart. It shows that life is not about a race or money, not about competition or getting ahead of others, it is not what others want it to be. Life is just what you want it to be. Education is not about memorization or ranks, not about who’s first and who’s last or who’s top and who’s not, not about time and mind pressure, not about the degrees you have attained. Education is all about what you want to learn and what you have learned and how you have learned those. Love is not about prices, not about being an asshole for being blind or being dictated by others. Love is what you are feeling deep inside, true and everlasting. Faith is not about religion or who you believed in. Faith is simply what connects us to what we believe. Family is not about a command-and-follow relationship but a speak-and-listen relationship and a lean-on-me thing, not about a responsibility but a privilege. And most of all, in this movie; friendship. It is not about where-you’re-from or what’s-your-name thing but it is who you really are and how you really care.

I never regret the almost-three hours of my time, the almost-three hours that made me laugh, smile, and make my tears escape. Funny how friends can standby with their fellow friends no matter what, how friends can do strange things for the sake of their beloved friends. Aal izz well. Aal izz well!

(written: June 5, 2011)


(pictures from Google images)

Everything Teaches Something

TRUTH TAUGHT me to lie
Dreams taught me to aim high

Words taught me to speak

Life taught me to live
Faith taught me to believe

Stories taught me to listen

Hurt taught me to fight
Pens taught me to write

Lies taught me to fool others

Friends taught me to trust
Curiosity taught me to ask

Sleep taught me to escape

Suffocation taught me to breath
Time taught me to forget

Mask taught me to hide

Anger taught me to hate
Patience taught me to wait

Friendship taught me to influence

Appreciation taught me to smile
Beauty taught me to admire

Emptiness taught me to drink

Conscience taught me to forgive
Imagination taught me to be creative

Memories taught me to remember

Animals taught me to care
Failures taught me to be scared

Novels taught me to read

Hunger taught me to eat
Jokes taught me to show my teeth

People taught me to be jealous

Family taught me to be strong
Hope taught me to hold on

Problems taught me to run

Strangers taught me to be friendly
Reality taught me to open my eyes widely

Happiness taught me to leave my problems

Betrayal taught me to trust only few
Death taught me to shed tears on cue

Love taught me to feel
but it is you
who taught me
——to love.


Too Weak To Smile

SHE JUST wanted to lay down.

She’s too tired
to argue with herself,
too tired
to do anything.

She’s too occupied
to think of any other thing.

She’s too empty
to feel anything.

She’s just tired.

She wanted to talk to someone.
But there’s no one wanted to.

She wanted to be happy
but she just can’t
because she’s too weak.
Too weak even just to smile.



WHY DO keep on believing when nobody knows what’s true?
Why do keep on loving when everybody got hurt?
Why do keep on talking when nobody’s listening?
Why do keep on listening when our own ears got tired?
Why do keep on trying when everybody gave up?
Why do keep on lying when the truth always reveals itself?
Why do keep on crying when we can no longer shed tears?
Why do keep on hurting ourselves when we are already hurt?
Why do keep on waiting when everybody doesn’t care anymore?
Why do keep on doing things when everybody thought it’s wrong?
Why do keep on smiling when everybody knows it’s fake?
Why do keep on living when everybody will eventually dies?
Why? And why do keep on questioning things that can never be answer?
Why do even keep on searching for answers?
Why do we want to know everything? Why?