I may not remember this exact date (so I won’t write the date today). But I’ll probably remember this day. The day I’ve finally decided to let you go. It may be absurd because you are not mine –you never were. What I meant of letting you go is that, I’ve decided to walk out of your life.
Yes I know it’s not totally your loss. It was surely mine. You may not even notice that I’m gone.
You were so kind. You always almost most of the time replied to my messages. You waved and smile at me at times. Yah. You are truly wonderful. So good. A kind-hearted human being.
It’s just… you’re too good, too kind to the point that I saw you’re doing things your way. I maybe wrong. I maybe just misunderstanding the things you do. And if ever I am –I wish you to correct me. These things may not be true. These are just what I tell to myself; (1) you replied to my messages coz you are just forced to (by whom or by what, I just dunno and I don’t mind knowing), (2) you waved at me and give me a smile –a weak one- just for the sake of formality, (3) you think I’m just playing games with you so you played along, (4) I’m just nothing to you, plain simply nothing, (5) you said you appreciate things I’ve done but you didn’t even feel a thing.
You said and do things your way. Of course, we all have our different ways of handling things. You said and do things which will not make me sad. Or is it the other way? You said and do things which will not make you a bad person?
I may be so bad writing about these things.. I may be so bad. But these words are not meant to hurt you. I don’t mean to hurt you so I hope it’s not hurting you– at all.
All I wanted was to be a friend, your friend. I tried. I became patience when it comes to you. I widen my mind to understand you. I search for things about you. These things –simply because I wanted to know you. But knowing you is not enough. I wanted friendship. It just didn’t work because everytime I’m trying to to open up and share and tell you stories and make a conversation –you are not interested. I can tell.
So today I’ve decided to do things my way. I may regret doing this because you were once special. And because, I’ll admit it, it’s because of you why I’ve forgotten him. And because I’m a fool.
One day I may find myself looking back to this very day. One day it’ll all throw back on me. One day.. But since that day is not yet coming, I’m still counting that this will do me good –atleast there’ll be something good.
Maybe you’re just meant to save me from him. Maybe you’re just meant to pass by. Maybe you’re just meant to made me realize things. Maybe you’re just meant to be anyone’s friend but me.
I thought of you and I –sharing secrets, laughing together, walking together.. I thought of just being there for you. But those will just remain as thoughts –forever.
I deleted your number and your pictures –which really takes time but I finally did with closed eyes. I deleted our messages. And I decided not to communicate with you in any way possible. I will try –really hard.
I just hope you really appreciate the things I’ve done for you. Even a lil. I hope there comes a moment where you also wish to be my friend. I hope you treasured things I gave you, appreciated arts I’ve drawn for you, read and saved poems I’ve written for you. And I hope one day you’ll notice that I ‘m gone, that I walk out of your life. And that I was once important to you –even once. That the moment I’m gone, you’ll feel there’s something missing. That I was wrong and I was not just simply a nobody.
You are nice. You are so good. You are so kind. But life isn’t you. Feelings aren’t you. There are more to them than what we should have known.
So today I challenged them; life and feelings. So today I challenged myself to go on without you in my life and with these feelings I’m ready to bury.
So take care wherever you’ll be.
Today it’s not only you I set free. I set something within me, free. Today I saved myself from hurting. Today I saved you from guilt.
This is not easy. It is real hard, real difficult and heavy. And this is hurting me -still. But everything takes time. I’ll be fine..
Til we meet again..