I FORGOT to forget. I cannot not to think of it. It’s bothering me..
I missed you so much. I never thought this such would happen to us. This is what I’m avoiding. This is what I hated. This is what hurting me the most.
I just wanted to cry.
I’m really sorry. I didn’t want this. I never wanted this. We both know that we both valued friendship so much. Yet there are such things we can’t run away from and this is one of those. It’s just absurd that this is happening to us.
Before this year started, I prayed and hope for a harmonious friendship with all of my friends because I can’t manage to lose a friend. But before it gets better, things fall apart..
You may see it as it’s just nothing to me. It may seem that I don’t care. The thing is.. I really care and it really is bothering me. I think of you and our friendship almost all the time. The more thinking goes on, the more I’m missing you, the warmer my eyes get, the more I’m hating myself.
I’m hating myself because I’ve got no courage of talking to you, of asking you what’s going on, of confronting. The thing is, I am already hurt and I’m afraid that if I’ll do something, it’ll do no good then it will hurt me more. I’m really sorry if you think I don’t care. It’s just that, I’m frightened of what will happen. I’m very scared that it will worsen things. I’m afraid I will be hurt, again.
I’m really sorry..
This is hurting me. Literally. Whenever I think of you and our friendship, I felt something in my heart. Literally. I felt heaviness and my eyes would get warm. I just wanted to cry. That’s all I can do because I can’t manage to do anything. I can’t take it..
I wanted to talk to someone because this is heavy.. Too heavy. Yet I can’t openly talk about this to them. I can’t open this up all.
I wanted to talk to you. But I am so afraid. Very. Afraid. Yet I don’t know what to do… I really don’t.
I’m really sorrryy.
Please know that I do care. I still care.. I miss you so much.