Away From Me

I LET you travel into oblivion
and my world, slower it may seem, keeps on spinning
You should travel farther!
Far away… Away from me.

You should, under any circumstances, never return
and my…. you pierced me with your ignorance
I should really turn my back and,
Never hope for your affection that truly never comes

Years without your presence deleted the pain
I finally salute the sun with a smile without pretence
And bid good night to the moon who has been there for me
You’re far way.. miles away. Away from me…

At last.. my hand, which didn’t withdraw any longer,
clasped the door knob and with all that I am,
prepared to close the door to the person I used to be
the one who had believed on that love with uncertainty

Then this one morning arrived.. I was awaken by a knock on the door
the one I have closed long ago, the one I forgot to lock
and with the pride I wear, I know I got the guts..
I open it ready to face the person I used to be

I am whole again
Mended by oblivious friends
Woven by time into a mature self
the one strengthen by all that has happened

Never did I know.. upon opening that door
I stared into those eyes.. eyes I’ve known all my life
those eyes who spoke only to you, who looks only into yours
Tears clouding those eyes.. it’s all coming back

I thought you have traveled so far away?
How I hope you disappear into Neverland
And never find your way back..
Yet here you are and those hurts and those aches are all pouring back

I buried you! I’ve buried you with my bare heart! That was my fault..
I just buried you luring myself that it was forgetting, that it was easing the pain
Little did I know that burying it means there’s a possibility of retreating it
and here you are, standing from the grave I’ve dug myself

Why do you have to come back?
Why does it hurts so much?
I thought time heals everything
Yet with one knock, within a moment, time also wipes out everything

You should have known I loved you!
And I hated myself because I still do!
You should have known I’ve been there for you!
And I hated myself because friendship is not enough!

You should have known that I was hurt!
And I hated myself because I still am hurting!
You should have known all of these!
And you should have never come back!

You’re in another’s arms
Each morning her face is what you witness
You’re in another’s world
Each night she kisses you good bye

I thought I am done moving on
because I thought I’ve moved on
I thought I am done hurting
because I thought I was hurt enough

You’re another’s now
And each minute to both of you are precious
But why do you have to come back?
You never look back before. Why now?

With trembling hands I tried, with all the might left in me,
to bang that door, to lock it, to destroy it
I just can’t. I. Just. Can’t.
But I can’t have you now, I can’t have you any longer

With all the love I’ve given you
I even forgot about myself
And as a return, all the pain you’ve caused me
I even became numb

You are hers. You were never mine
And never will. Ever–
You’re not the one that got away
You are the one I never had…

That was it.. This may be the last time that I’ll talk about you
And these may be the last lines I’ll write for you;

I’ve promised, long ago, to myself
never will I love again a person like you
a human being who have wasted it all
that is, if I’m still capable of loving…

★ Just Andy
2013

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2 thoughts on “Away From Me

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