Protected: This Is Why It Is “SO MUCH”

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Through This..

I FORGOT to forget. I cannot not to think of it. It’s bothering me..

I missed you so much. I never thought this such would happen to us. This is what I’m avoiding. This is what I hated. This is what hurting me the most.

I just wanted to cry. Continue reading

It Doubles The Burden

SOME SAYS it was alright. There’s nothing wrong with it. But there are some who don’t wanna hear it. They said that they don’t like it.

But to whom will I open my ears? I don’t know..

Maybe a friend of mine is right –everybody doesn’t need to know something. Continue reading

Protected: End Of Story. But Not Of OUR Story.

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I Die a Little

OSTRACIZED
DON’T know what’s going on
they are laughing
they are whispering
i’m out of it
rejected
been told a lie
not knowing
striking words
seeing a family
‘dad’ and ‘mom’
hearing the word mother
thinking of grandparents
friendship planning
lost kinship
saw them together
got my heart pricked
i die a little
i die a little

And It’s My Fault.. I Know

HIT ME! Talk to me! What’s happening to me?? I get angry with her even if she’s not doing anything wrong. It’s just that I’m guilty! -_-

Punch me! Slap me! I wanna wake up from this state of guiltness. Guilty pleasure it is. Punch me. Slap me. Hit me. Talk to me. Wake me up!

I shouldn’t be rude. I shouldn’t be angry.

^~~~^

Real Or Not?

I THINK I like him…

I enjoy teasing him because I wanna see his smile. I want to see him everyday.. I will talk to him about random things just to make a conversation. I want to hear his laugh.. And I like it when he’s beside me. I think I like him.

^~~~^

Someone’s Life On Mine

THESE ARE the times when I don’t wanna think of things. I’ll busied myself with other stuff. Stuff which has nothing to do with acads. Yes.. I don’t wanna think of acads. So it’s been my hobby to procrastinate. I know procrastinating is no good.. but so does acads. I don’t like what I’m doing, I don’t want what I’m doing.

Maybe you can’t understand me. Maybe nobody does.. It’s just that… studying is out of my vocabulary. Studying is good. But it’s not when I don’t like what I’m studying. Okay, it all comes down to this: I don’t want my course, my degree.

Maybe it’s too late. Really late. But even from the start, I never like my course. I accepted the fact that I’m taking this course. And I’ve been taking this for almost three years. I’m close to finishing this degree. But whenever I think of it, whenever I study.. I always find myself shaking my head. This is not what I want. This is just a waste of my time. So I never excel in any of my subject. For three years I am trying to survive.. as well as now.

My goal should be: the highest, the best. But my real goal: passing, satisfactory. I don’t care if I didn’t get the highest grade, my only goal is to pass all of my subjects and graduate on time. “Graduate on time” will be my gift to myself. I mean, it’ll be the greatest gift because it’ll mark as the end of my burden. It’ll mark as the end of my wasted time. It’ll be the mark as the end of someone’s life on my life. It’ll be the beginning of me! It’ll be the start of my own life. It’ll be the very start.. to live my own life.. to do what I wanted to do long ago.. to be free and live as the person I should’ve had.

Today.. I am living their life. I am living what they wanted. But one day. One day I’ll be me. One day I’ll live my life. One day it’ll be what I wanted, not what I’m forced to wanted.

I’m looking forward to that day.. I’ll be waiting for that day!

^~~~^

 

The Call

I HEARD my phone ringing. It was at the side of my laptop. I veered my head. I was about to answer it. Unknown caller.. But upon seeing the number… I knew. I knew it was him. I don’t know his number but seeing the first 2 digits lets me know that it was him.

I let it ring. Twice. Thrice. Four times. Five times before answering it. It will be rude of me if I didn’t answer. It would make me bad if I will not answer it.

So I answer it.

Am I that bad if I don’t feel like talking to him?
Am I that bad if I won’t open up to him?
Am I that bad if I won’t tell stories to him?
Am I that bad if I am not that comfortable talking to him?
Am I that bad if I’m a bit irritated?
Am I that bad?

I feel neither hate nor anger. But I feel something bad.. I don’t know what it is. But is it even my fault?

^~~~^

I Can’t

I JUST can’t write a thing about anything now.. I just can’t. I’ll be back blogging soon. I don’t know how soon. A day? Week? Month? I can’t say right now..

But I’ll probably be back..

I’m just into something..

^~~~^