BUT IF I’ll write about how it has been, there’s gotta be lots of writings and I’m gonna need some time to write those happenings coz there are lots and lots and lots.
So I decided.. I won’t tell you how it was.
Yet I really wanted to. So…. Here!
I FORGOT to forget. I cannot not to think of it. It’s bothering me..
I missed you so much. I never thought this such would happen to us. This is what I’m avoiding. This is what I hated. This is what hurting me the most.
I just wanted to cry. Continue reading
SOME SAYS it was alright. There’s nothing wrong with it. But there are some who don’t wanna hear it. They said that they don’t like it.
But to whom will I open my ears? I don’t know..
Maybe a friend of mine is right –everybody doesn’t need to know something. Continue reading
DON’T know what’s going on
they are laughing
they are whispering
i’m out of it
been told a lie
seeing a family
‘dad’ and ‘mom’
hearing the word mother
thinking of grandparents
saw them together
got my heart pricked
i die a little
i die a little
HIT ME! Talk to me! What’s happening to me?? I get angry with her even if she’s not doing anything wrong. It’s just that I’m guilty! -_-
Punch me! Slap me! I wanna wake up from this state of guiltness. Guilty pleasure it is. Punch me. Slap me. Hit me. Talk to me. Wake me up!
I shouldn’t be rude. I shouldn’t be angry.
I THINK I like him…
I enjoy teasing him because I wanna see his smile. I want to see him everyday.. I will talk to him about random things just to make a conversation. I want to hear his laugh.. And I like it when he’s beside me. I think I like him.
THESE ARE the times when I don’t wanna think of things. I’ll busied myself with other stuff. Stuff which has nothing to do with acads. Yes.. I don’t wanna think of acads. So it’s been my hobby to procrastinate. I know procrastinating is no good.. but so does acads. I don’t like what I’m doing, I don’t want what I’m doing.
Maybe you can’t understand me. Maybe nobody does.. It’s just that… studying is out of my vocabulary. Studying is good. But it’s not when I don’t like what I’m studying. Okay, it all comes down to this: I don’t want my course, my degree.
Maybe it’s too late. Really late. But even from the start, I never like my course. I accepted the fact that I’m taking this course. And I’ve been taking this for almost three years. I’m close to finishing this degree. But whenever I think of it, whenever I study.. I always find myself shaking my head. This is not what I want. This is just a waste of my time. So I never excel in any of my subject. For three years I am trying to survive.. as well as now.
My goal should be: the highest, the best. But my real goal: passing, satisfactory. I don’t care if I didn’t get the highest grade, my only goal is to pass all of my subjects and graduate on time. “Graduate on time” will be my gift to myself. I mean, it’ll be the greatest gift because it’ll mark as the end of my burden. It’ll mark as the end of my wasted time. It’ll be the mark as the end of someone’s life on my life. It’ll be the beginning of me! It’ll be the start of my own life. It’ll be the very start.. to live my own life.. to do what I wanted to do long ago.. to be free and live as the person I should’ve had.
Today.. I am living their life. I am living what they wanted. But one day. One day I’ll be me. One day I’ll live my life. One day it’ll be what I wanted, not what I’m forced to wanted.
I’m looking forward to that day.. I’ll be waiting for that day!