Pretending Everything’s Fine

IT’S JUST hard to pretend that everything’s okay. It’s harder to pretend that you’re fine, when in fact you’re feeling the other way around. Harder, too, when you know that the person who made you feel that way is there with you.

Everyday I had to carry the burden and face the fact that I will see the person who made me feel miserable. And you know how it’s annoying that she’s acting like everything is fine between us.

Everything is not fine. Why can’t we admit that something is wrong! There’s a problem. Or maybe, it’s just about me? Or maybe, I’m the problem itself?

But every time I see her, I am hurting. I can’t prevent the hurt.. No one can. Knowing that she knew she did something wrong..  knowing that she knew I was hurt and all I am waiting for is her apology.. all I am waiting for is her ‘sorry’.. all I am waiting for is the confrontation that never take place, –will never maybe.

Every time I see her, I can’t forget how she lied to us.. I can’t remove the lies in her face.. I can’t erase what she had done.. I can’t unheard what she had said.. I always remember..

Every time I see her, I had to deal with what I’m feeling –the hurt. Why do everytime I look into her eyes I saw nothing? No remorse, no concern, nothing at all..

I am hurt because she is my friend, and vice versa –that is what I thought.

I don’t know if what I am to her now. An acquaintance? A companion? I don’t know!!

All I know is, she used to be my friend. We used to share secrets. We used to tell stories. We used to be together.. I used to be her friend.. but now I’m starting to realize her definition of friendship..


Yeah I think that’s what friendship for her. Whoever’s available to be with her that’s her friend. And whoever’s not, is simply not.



Just The Available One?

YOU ARE not supposed to tell me everything.
But it doesn’t mean that you should not tell me what I need to know.

You are not supposed to tell me everything.
But it doesn’t mean that you won’t let me know.

You are not supposed to tell me everything.
But it doesn’t mean that you will… lie

It’s hard to pretend everyday.
Everytime I see you, so does the lie.
I can see the lie you told us, you told me.

I didn’t know it was a lie at first.
Of course. Because I believe in you.
But I have that feeling. The feeling that I knew you were hiding something.

But hiding something and telling a lie are two different situations.
And you prefer the latter one.

It’s not easy to pretend that I didn’t know.
I wanted to confront you but I waited for you to do it.

It’s hard to wait for you to do it.
But still I waited and waited… for nothing.

It’s not easy not to think about it.
Because it was you who have done it and you are my friend.

I didn’t even know that you have an issue with me.
But the moment I knew, I made a choice.

I was hurt. Yes I was really heart.
And everytime I see you, I remember the lie, the hurt..

I once asked myself; am I really your friend as what you have said?
Or am I just someone who’s available to be with you?

It’s really sad. I felt sad for asking that to myself.
And I didn’t even wanna know the answer.

I made a choice. A choice you made me to choose.
A choice where I was forced to choose because I didn’t have an option.

Not to be involve. Silence.

I made a choice.