Not The Joke, It’s About Trust

I WAS pushing people from their seats to the ground. I was just jokingly doing it. But they were reacting as if I’m gonna drop them. And yes I think it was funny.. Hearing them scream, feeling their tightened grip, laughing.. Yes, I used to tease people.

But then there was this one person. I was pushing her. She wouldn’t react. So I pushed her again. Nothing. Then Again. Nothing..

Then I finally asked her; why are you not reacting at all? Aren’t you afraid?

She simply answer; because I know you wouldn’t do it.

Then I realized.. Yes. it’s true. I wouldn’t. Won’t do it. I was just joking them.. And it struck me. I thought it was funny seeing and hearing people reactions whenever I joke them. Little did I know that what I was doing was to know if they would believe in me, if they’re trusting me.

So some people really believe that I want them hurt? Some people really believe I would do such things to hurt them?

But there are some who didn’t even think that I would seriously push them; who didn’t have a second thought that I would hurt them, or I would even let them be in pain..

So I knew.. that it’s about trust then. Trust.

^~~~^

You’ve Said Enough

YOU SAID you care for me

but it wouldn’t mean anything

if you don’t act like you do.

 

You said you love me

but it wouldn’t mean anything

if you act the other way around.

 

You said you believe me

but it wouldn’t mean anything

if you question every words I say.

 

You said you’ll be there for me

but it wouldn’t mean anything

if you’re always walking away.

 

You said everything will be okay

but it wouldn’t mean anything

if you’re the one who’s not open-minded.

 

You said things..

You said..

And here I am, drawn to you

Here I am believing

in all the things that come out of you.

 

You said things..

You said..

And here I am, listening to you

Here I am hoping

to all the words that you’ve used.

 

You said things..

You said..

but it wouldn’t mean anything

if you didn’t mean a thing you’ve said.

 

You said things..

You said..

And here I am, a fool

Here I am, an idiot

still hanging when you’ve already given up.

 

You said things..

You said..

And here I am, hurt

Here I am, in pain

Please, you’ve said enough..

^~~~^

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

I JUST have finished reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I have read it in one day, atleast ten hours straight. Joshua Harris has touched my life. I have learned so much, knew things I never think of, saw what I have been doing with my life, thought of how the world has changed its clothes over the years. It feels like something in me undergoes a bit changes as I turn the pages and it triggers my hand and heart not to stop but to reach its final page. Reaching until the end didn’t fully answer and just left some questions swimming in my mind, still more and more came pouring in. But then some things must be left unsaid, unanswered, for us to learn what we need to.

^~~~^

(picture from Google images)

It’s Not Just About Me

Because I’m not the only one…

SOMETIMES I prayed to God about such things. Things I needed, things I wanted and more of the things concerning I, my, and me. And I wonder why God didn’t answer some of my prayers and I’ll just repeat what my prayers were to the point which I got annoyed which is very wrong. I know almost all of us have questioned Him, why this, why that, but have we questioned ourselves before we fired such frothy things at Him? I realized, why will I pray about something that will, yes, do me good but will eventually hurt or even destroy others? I was selfish, I didn’t think of the people around me, I didn’t mind the feelings of others.

For instance (because I’m a student), there is still one last slot for a subject and I pray to God to give me that slot for I want the professor and I want the time, but! But what if someone also pray to God regarding that subject not because she want to but because she badly need to. If you were God, to whom you’ll give the said subject, to me who wants it or to someone who needs it? Of course we know who need it the most, and I can’t blame Him for saying ‘yes’ to that someone and for answering ‘no’ to me. I know it’s also hard for Him. God answers all of our prayers but not with a yes always. Another instance, there was a time that I prayed to God to help me pass my exam and when the results come out, I failed the exam. Then I asked Him, why? But hey! I’m a fool! Why don’t I ask that to myself and not God. I’m the one who failed it, not Him. I’m the one who took the exam, not Him. I just ask for His help and I know that he helped me, the problem is I didn’t help myself. Did I study hard enough, well enough? I don’t think so.

God help us always even if we think we didn’t need Him because the fact is we really needed Him all the time. As what  said earlier, He answers all of our prayers but not as what we expected His answers to be not because He wanted us to suffer but because He wants us to learn. He let me failed (my exam) not for bad but for good and for my sake. I think He wanted me to learn from my mistake, just like you, just like the rest of us. He never leave us, He never closed His hand for us, what He wanted is what’s best for us. I stumbled and fall but He reached my hand and helped me to stand up. Like any other problems (studies, love, friendship, families, etc.) we must not let those put us down, we must put our feet down on the ground and stand still, continue believing.

Also put to your mind avoid being selfish. Prayers are more powerful when you dedicate your prayers for others’ need, needs not wants, and spite of not knowing or hearing there are also people who pray for your needs, who prays for your life. What I really learned is that in this world where I live, where different human beings exist, I am not the only one who seek for His help, it is not only I who pray to Him, it is not only my voice that He’s been hearing, it is not only my life that He’s watching… It is not JUST about ME.

^~~~^