It’s Been a Part Of My Day [And Yours?]

I CAN hear it. But even before I ask my friends, it was gone. Then I heard it again. In a matter of milliseconds, it was gone again. Before long, there it is again. And it bothers me. So this time I asked my friends. But they said they don’t hear anything. I said nevermind. And it was gone. I waited and waited for another sound until I forgot about it totally. No sound anymore.

The next day, I was again with my friends. We’re eating and laughing. I was laughing so hard when I heard something. I suddenly stop. It sounds familiar. Then I remember what I heard yesterday. Yes! That’s it. I heard it again today. But why? We were on different place. I just thought that what I heard yesterday was coming from the place where we have stayed. But now here it is again. I asked my friends. They just answered the same; they didn’t hear anything. There it is again. And it really bothers me. I waited and waited for another sound until I forgot about it totally. No sound anymore.

That very day, I was walking with one of my close friend. I told her about it. But she said there’s nothing really. They haven’t heard anything at all while we were together. She said; don’t think about it anymore, there’s really nothing. So I tried to forget about it.

The next day I was walking to go home. I was walking alone. I heard it again. This time I recognized it. It was clear but not as clear to understand what it’s saying or what sound was that really. But it was like whispering. Whispering to whom, I didn’t know. The sound, I didn’t know if it sounded scary but it didn’t scared me at all. Even when I heard it the first time. It just bothers me but it didn’t scare me. I veered my head left and right. No one. I look ahead and look back. No one. As if on cue, I heard myself; what are you? what is it? Then I heard nothing. My friend called me on the phone that night. I set aside telling her what had happened. Besides I just heard it and when I talk, it was gone.

The next day I heard it again, then the following day until I get used to it. As if it is really a part of my day. Then just one day my friend approaches me and ask me about it. Are you still hearing it? I was shocked for I totally erased in my mind telling it to anyone. But I told her simply, yes. Then she admitted it. She heard it too the moment I asked them. And the night she called me, she called me to talk about it. She was expecting me to tell her that I heard it again but she thought that it stopped for I didn’t mention it so she didn’t mention about it too. The whisperers’ whispers are bothering. It’s been whispering everyday. It never got tired.

It’s about time to say this; focus.. It’s about time to ask you; can you hear it??

Worse Than Being Rejected

THE MOST painful thing is not the words thrown by people. It is not the things done by people. The most painful thing isn’t death. It isn’t people leaving. Because the most painful thing is; rejection.

Yes it’s rejection. The words that were thrown by people can be forgotten as well as the things they have done. Death is a constant thing. Because all of us will die eventually. Even if it takes time to move on from death of a certain people, we can still get over it. People leaving, it also takes time to say goodbye but as I say, we can still move on with our life. We can get over it and move forward.

But rejection? If we are already rejected, we can’t do anything at all. We can’t change the fact that we were rejected by someone. And even if we have moved on or gotten over from the feeling of being rejected, we can’t change things. We will just always be the rejected one of some. The feeling of being rejected? Woah! It is –worst. Even if we didn’t think of it anymore, we can’t just change it. Even if we let things be, even if we forgot about it, we will always be the rejected one by some.

And what’s worse? –Rejected by someone we care about, rejected by someone who matters to us, rejected by someone we love.

We can’t just order others; hey! don’t reject me. We can’t just dictate others; hey! you can’t reject me. We can’t just beg; please don’t reject me. We can’t just change things; tomorrow when I wake up you won’t reject me anymore.

We can’t just demand for acceptance to someone who can never ever accept us. We can’t just kneel and cry and beg to someone who didn’t even care. We can’t just insist ourselves to people who didn’t even want us in their lives. We can’t just plead to people who didn’t even dare to listen to any words we say. We can’t just ask for things like; please tell me what to do just so you accept me.

And what’s worse than being rejected? Worse than worst? –There is no such solution to rejection that will not hurt you. Whatever we do, whatever we say, how much we try, how many times we beg, how many times we kneel, we will just be hurt as always.

 ^~~~^

I’ve Sketched My Heart

I STARE at the blank paper
a pen in my hand
I started to write
then I realized
I have written your name
so I crumpled the paper.

I stare at the blank paper
the pen still in my hand
I started to think
then I realized
I’m thinking of you
so I crumpled the paper.

I stare at the blank paper
I moved the pen in my hand
I started to draw
then I realized
I’m oblivious to everything
I just draw and draw.

I stare at the paper
not blank anymore
I stare at my drawing
my hand has sketched
my mind has thought of
my heart has dreamed of.

I stare at the paper
the drawing in it
seems familiar
right before my eyes
little did I know
I was staring at you.

 ^~~~^

We Have What We Needed

WHY DO we eat and need to drink?
Why do we write and need to move the pen?
Why do we walk and need to use our feet?
Why do we feel and need to care?
Why do we stare and need to blink?
Why do we read and need to turn the pages?
Why do we speak and need to be heard?
Why do we live and need to breath?
Why do we love and need to be loved?
Why do we ask and need to be answered?

Too many questions. Too many why’s. Some can even be answered by toddlers. Eat and drink? To digest our food. Write and move the pen? You can’t write even a single letter if you won’t move it. Walk and use our feet? You can’t walk if you won’t use it. Feel and care? You don’t care only if you don’t feel anything. Stare and blink? Try not to blink, nobody can’t stand it. To avoid the eyes from drying. Read and turn the pages? You can’t finish what you’re reading if you don’t turn the pages. Speak and be heard? Nobody wanted to be ignored. We want communication and communication isn’t just talking and talking. Live and breath? To experience life. Love and to be loved? It’s innate in human. Love is innate. Ask and be answered? We wanted to know everything.

But why do things and need things? Why do things and need people?

Because there are things we do that can’t do it on our own. There are things we do and we need others in order us to fulfill it. Yes, we need others.

We need someone who will firmly hold our hand. We need someone who will stay by our side. We need someone’s shoulder to lean on. We need someone to share our happiness with. We need someone to help us carry the sadness. We need someone who understand us. We need someone who will love us unconditionally. We need someone who will let us feel accepted and appreciated. We need someone to make us stronger. Let’s just admit it; we needed someone.

And God gave us what we needed. He had given it even before we needed it. He knows what we’ll need to live here in earth so he gave us them; parents, friends, siblings, relatives, lovers, animals, nature, water, wind, and more. He gave us all kind of people and all kind of things we needed. He gave us different people and things; each we can give different kind of love.

^~~~^

It’s The LOVE I Know, But It’s Not What I Saw

NO SHARP edges to hurt you,
Never-ending cycle we knew.

Light side –always present,
Yet dark side won’t be absent.

Can’t be composed of only one,
It’s made up of everyone.

Feelings are being shared,
People are being heard.

It’s not about ‘just us’,
It’s not a rush.

It’s not about cash,
It’s not a task.

It’s not about distrust,
It’s not a must.

It’s not about lust,
It never was.

Hard to find where it started,
It never really ended.

It’s love, it’s a circle,
It’s love, it’s a riddle.

It’s the love I know,
But it’s not what I saw.

People made it sharp,
That hurts a heart.

  ^~~~^

(picture from Google images)

t Sms Snslss

I DN’T wnt t b ndrstd. Myb I’m gvng y hdch rght nw. nd f y fl s, I sggst y stp rdng ths. Ths wll sms t b  sht fr thr, fr mny. Bt I hv  pnt n dng ths, n wrtng ths. My pnt s I dn’t wnt t b ndrstd. I wntd ppl t try hrd nd ndrstnd ths n thr wn. I wnt thm, y, t try hrd s jst hw hrd ths wrds t rd, jst s hw hrd ths wrds t ndrstnd. My pnt, ls, myb frm ths wh r rdng ths, s t knw whch frm y cn rlly ndrstnd ths.

Cz vn f I dn’t wnt t b ndrstd, thr’ll b ppl wh crd ngh t try ndrstndng m, ppl wh lvd m ngh t sty by my sd thrgh thck nd thn.

r y n f ths? r r y n f ths wh ddn’t mnd ths wrtng f mn? My chllng s; cn y ndrstnd m? f s, why dn’t y tlst rply t ths pst f mn by lvng cmmnt? S I’ll knw f y rlly dd ndrstnd m. Hv gd dy!

People are hard to understand.
We really didn’t understand ourselves either.
People let others to define them, because,
we, ourselves, didn’t know ourselves at all.

^~~~^

The End Of No Beginning

YOU WON’T talk to me.
You don’t even mind looking at me.

I wanted to talk to you,
it’s just.. I’m too shy to do so.
I simply glimpse at you,
it’s just.. I don’t want you to notice.

We’re out of stories, nothing to talk about.
You wouldn’t open another topic.
But I want another conversation.
Yet I’m forced to say goodbye.

We’re out of stories, nothing to talk about.
I waited but you wouldn’t open another topic.
And I wanted another conversation.
I don’t want to hear you say goodbye.

We’ve talked and talked.
Talk about things, random things,
but never the things about us.

Please tell me to stay
and I’ll stay.

Please stay.
I wanted to say.
But I just can’t let the words out.

Please tell me you need me,
and I’ll be with you.

I need you.
I wanted to tell you.
But I just can’t manage to utter.

I need to go, I stare at you,
but you didn’t look back.
So I walk away with a pricked heart.

You need to go, I feel vulnerable,
so I didn’t look at you.
And you walk away, I’m with my pricked heart.

I let you go
but you’ll never know
because I never tell you so
what I really felt for you –status quo.

I let you slip away
but you’ll know in no way
because I never ever say
what I really felt for you right away.

 

Now tell me; there’s no love lost.
But I tell you; THERE IS A LOVE LOST.

^~~~^