SOMETIMES I LOOK back
and realize Continue reading →
SOMETIMES I LOOK back
and realize Continue reading
SOMETIMES I LOOK back
and realize Continue reading
It’s been too long since the last time I’ve written to you..
I don’t understand and I don’t wanna understand. I’m just glad that we seems okay even if we’re not writing for some time. Okay in a way.
Maybe that’s all I needed; not to think of what other people are telling about us, especially about me. You may not know it since you’re far and it is better this way. It is much better not minding them (some people) knowing they are waiting for me to react. Continue reading
I MISS my blog. So much. Got lots of stories to tell! Will get back to you as soon as I can. Busyness never ends -__-
I honestly don’t know what you got. Day by day I fail to forget you. There are times when I don’t think of you because I’m preoccupied and it’s very helpful. The thing is when I suddenly remember you, things started to fall apart. Once I thought of you, I can’t get you out of my mind.
And it’s beginning to destroy me because it distracts me –totally distracts me. Continue reading
I’M GLAD we abandoned the milk tea shop which I don’t want to reveal the name. We went there to write (blog). But I can’t manage to even start. It’s because there were a lot of mouths. Mouths here and there without ears. People talk as if all they have are mouths, as if they’ve got no ears to hear and realize how loud their voices are.
And now here we are in Taza Mia. A coffee shop where I’m loving the ambiance. It’s my first time here even if I heard of it a vast of time. A coffee shop free of mouths. People are talking but not like the people there in the said milk tea shop earlier. Also the crews are good in a way approachable. The music isn’t deafening. Oh yes, I should stop comparing.. It’s just that, here I can find myself writing without any disturbances.
I’ve got a draft about the said milk tea shop and I’ve written it while we were there. I just feel like sharing this first than the ranting about the latter one.
OTHERS MIGHT say..
There is no such word as what you’ve used.
There is such word. There are such words. Words I’ve used exist.. in my own universe.
I CAN see the countries where my blog is being viewed, but the ‘countries’ doesn’t mean the ‘people’.
I wanted to know who read what. I wanted to know what affects who. I wanted to know how they understand what. I wanted to know why they like what.
I just wanted to know because ‘knowing’ matters for me. Because not knowing is like not caring at all. And I do care.
But for this case, knowing all of those seems impossible. There’s only one way to express how I care. And that way is this way. Writing where it is neither my hands nor my fingers which write, it is my heart. My hands and fingers are only followers. They are followers of my heart.
This way, I know I can reach people, I know I can touch lives, I know I can make a change even if it’s that small, I know I can make a difference.
As long as I can use my hand, I will. As long as I can write, I will. As long as my heart is beating, it will dictate.
Even if I didn’t know what lies on the other end.. Even if I will never know who’s on the other end.. I will continue to write.
And YOU, yes you who’s reading this, please know that I wanted to know you. Please know that knowing you really matters to me. Please know that wherever in the world you are, we are connected by this. Please know that in any other way, our paths will cross. Please know that this is our time; it’s just you reading and me reaching to you.
Please know that I do care for you. Yes, I care for you. (:
*Please take time to click the title and read the link and you’ll see* (:
FINEST MOMENT. Hearing those two words, there is this one moment that hits my mind..
It was in year 2009, 18th of December. Of course I won’t forgot the date. It was late in the afternoon. Vast of people coming in and out. Vast of people walking from different directions. There are lots of people waiting. There are lots of happenings. I am in the airport.
Standing there with my aunt, waiting, lots of things are invading my mind. Why now? I find myself asking my mind. Why not later? Or tomorrow or some other time? I just want to focus on waiting right now. But they wouldn’t leave me alone. They form questions. Questions I didn’t even know were formed right before it invaded my mind. Maybe it’s just because of nervousness. Time passes by and it seems like we’ve been waiting for almost an hour but he hasn’t arrive yet. Yes we were waiting for him. For my father.
What does he looks like? Can I recognize him once I see him? What will I tell him? How to greet him? Can he even recognize me too? What will he tell me? What will I do? How to act when with him? How to talk to him? What? Whaaaat?! For a moment, I’ve believed that my mind was going to explode. Questions came pouring like a rain which wouldn’t stop. Even the senseless questions were formed. One moment I felt excited. But the butterflies in my stomach have erased that excitement. And they didn’t even get satisfaction, they have replaced the excitement with fear.
What time is it? He’s not yet here. I keep on checking every man who walks towards our direction. Is it him already? I asked myself. What if it’s already him and I don’t even recognize him? I keep on talking to myself. I keep on questioning myself. But even I can’t answer too. I just can’t focus anymore like everything is a blur.
There’s a family beside us waiting too. A mother and two children; boy and a little girl. Then a man came and hug the mother. The mother told her son to hug him but the son wouldn’t move. Oh he was just shy, the mother said. Then I saw in the boy’s face the shock and the tears that were formed in his eyes. For a moment I thought I have read his mind. Maybe he didn’t saw his father that long too. I became aware of my surroundings. I became aware of the people who were waiting too. People came and there will be exchanges of greetings, there will be hugging one another and kissing, and then they’ll leave together as if they were together that long.
Veering my head from right to left, moving my eyes from time to time, searching; I catch a glimpse of a familiar man. I just recognized him? Yes it’s him. It’s really him. He approached us. Every step he took was like the years gone. It was so slow and sooo.. I was… speechless. I didn’t know what I feel. I became mute and deaf. I forgot how to speak. I even forgot how to breath for a moment. I was out of words. I am lost for words. He hugged me and say my daughter. I didn’t hug him back simply because I can’t manage my hands, my body, to move. I didn’t know what to do. So I just let it be. So be it! I felt warmth in my eyes but I manage to hold it back. I won’t let it escape. Not in front of him, not in front of many, not in a place where there’s a crowd of strangers.
I remember the boy earlier who wouldn’t hug the man who seems to be his father. He was silent too but in his eyes I saw the warning of tears. He didn’t move and didn’t speak but I saw it in his eyes. His eyes said it all. That’s why I thought that I have read his mind, because his eyes have talked to mine. Maybe that’s what I felt too. Maybe we felt the same way towards the man who seems to be our father.
After of almost twelve years, that was the first time I saw my father. Yes I saw him when we were chatting online. Yes I heard his voice when we were talking over the phone. But seeing him 3D, seeing him personally was far more different from seeing him in the desktop. Hearing his voice and talking to him personally was far more different from hearing it over the phone.
Happy Father’s Day to all fathers out there!
Happy Father’s Day Daddy! (:
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