I am studying
with a cup of coffee
I am drinking
a cup of coffee
I don’t want sleep to arrive
I don’t want any yawn to come
I don’t want any hint of sleepiness
So here I am
with a cup of coffee.
(picture from Google images)
I HATE this day. Really. I didn’t have a good sleep. Last night I stayed up late (I always stayed up late but it’s just a big deal coz it’s about acads) coz I finished my report and my presentation in one of my subjects. When I woke up, I’m not in a good mood. I didn’t even want to go to my class. But since I’m a student and going to classes seems like a must, I did go, forced to face the day with a crown of frown.
I physically went to my classes but then I was mentally absent. I take down notes but didn’t absorb it. I just took down notes for the sake of copying. And when I don’t feel like copying, I’ll just tire myself; drawing. I’ll just draw and draw and draw anything I want.
Then the TIME finally arrives.. The TIME I just wanted to fast forward if possible. The TIME I just didn’t want to come in the first place. And shit! I didn’t want to recall what happened. I didn’t want to give any details of it also. The time will come when I’ll be reading this and if I gave any details; those happenings will just came pouring in as well as the feeling of being down. I just wanted to forget it.
I’m just writing this because this is my way of letting it out aside from punching walls. And I’ll say, it’s really better this way than the latter way.
P.S. It’s the 7th death anniversary of my grandmother (Inay). I can’t believe it’s been seven years… Missing her -.-
OKAY. SO in our OR (Outdoor Recreation) we played Ultimate! Okay I’ll admit it. At first I called it Frisbee. Well I know nothing about it. I didn’t even know how to play it. We were taught how to play. And yes, they corrected us. The game is not Frisbee. It’s Ultimate! Frisbee is a brand.
I was excited. Why? I’ve never played Ultimate before. I’ve never even touch any disc before. Haha! Watching others playing it looks like fun so I really wanted to try it. While they were discussing some things we need to know about Ultimate, I was somewhat bored because what I really wanted to do is play! But then they were right. We were just beginners and we needed those information in order for us to understand the game.
We were taught about the disc and the parts of it, back hand, fore hand, pancake, flicking of the wrist, moving of the leg, catching of the disk, holding of the disc, and throwing. The moment they said that we’ll gonna try it, I stood up ready to play.
We formed a small circle and throw the disk to one another. Don’t continue reading if you don’t want a boastful person because I’m gonna praise myself. Hahaha! From our instructor, I heard his; nice throw! good throw! Well he was saying it to me. I didn’t know I can play Ultimate! I really enjoyed it. Then when the other instructor approached us, he watches and teaches us one by one. One of my teammates told him that I was good and that I wanted to be in the varsity which is just based from her. He ask me, have you played Ultimate? Laughingly I answered, no, it was my first time really! HAHA. When he was at my side he quietly say, you wanted to join the varsity? you can. Well so much for the vaunt of myself. But it really made me feel great. I never knew I can really play.
But wait! It’s not yet the game. The game will just begin. Black (my team) versus Grey this time. I didn’t know the mechanics of the game but while playing, I managed to understand. I was made captain by my teammates. So yes, I was the captain of the black team! Hahaha. But then we were just beginners and playing Ultimate seems like a tiring game.
Black versus Grey was a tight game. The game ended with 1-1. Next week we’ll be playing again the same game. So I was really looking forward next week for the next game. I had so much fun.
TODAY WAS a very tiring day. VERY. It was the very first game for our physical education 2 which is Outdoor Recreation. The only thing our prof told us was to wear sports attire. So we did. She didn’t tell us what our game will be.
When our prof finally explains what the game will be, almost all of us didn’t know it. KICKBALL. Yes it’s the game. If you didn’t know what it is, so am I. Haha. Just kidding. I was mixed up when our prof explained it. But then it’s not that hard to understand. I know you know what baseball and football are. Kickball is just like the combination of those; there are four bases, soccerball, no bat and no baseball. Just try to imagine it. By the way, the name of our group is Black Cat! (:
Side story: Black Cat. Here’s the origin of our group name. Our group were formed via the animal sounds. Each one of us has drawn a piece of paper with the corresponding animal labels each. Then we were scattered on the field and we were even blindfolded (I just closed my eyes haha). We’ll look for our groupmates by the sound of the animal that was written on the piece of paper. Mine was cat, so I’ve made the sound of; meow. I was meowing and meowing until we were two. Still meowing and hearing another person meowing, our meowing got louder until we were three, then four, then five. Until we were complete. Then we needed to decide what the color of our group will wear every meeting. We decided to choose white. But then the color white was forfeited coz other groups wanted that color too. Then we came up with the color black. We needed a team name and being so lazy to think I said; Black Cat! So the Black Cat was born.
“sa cat kami nabuo, sa black kami nagkasundo” –one of my friend, Berns, has written this coz we needed to explain why such is our chosen group name. Simple but meaningful.
Back to the game; kickball. The first round was the pink team versus the gray team. Second round was the blue team (where one of my close friends was) and the black team (where I belong). Then so on and on and on. Kick! Run! Run! Kick! Run! Out! Strike! Kick! Kick as if we were kicking out our feelings. Run! Run as if we were running for our life. I was afraid at first. Afraid I might not kick the ball as hard as possible. Afraid I might miss the ball. Afraid I might embarrass myself. But then, the moment I kicked the ball; wow! I really felt the freedom as how hard I’ll kick the ball. So I wouldn’t let that chance get away and I kicked it as hard as I can. I heard our prof praised me or praised the ball (I can’t remember her exact words but then it was a praise. Sorry for me being boastful haha)
Well I think the winner of this game was the BLUE TEAM. She’ll kill me if I didn’t mention it here, so here. Trisha, one of my friends, was the ‘best’ in their team, the team which won. But wait! Trisha being the ‘best one’ was “self-proclaimed”! Hahaha!
We were exhausted, we were thirsty, we were tired, we were sweating, we were panting, we were out of breath. And guess what, it was drizzling! It’s a rain or shine game. No, uhm, it’s a rain or shine class? Coz even if it’s raining, we’ll continue to play on the field. That’s what our prof said. Playing kickball while it was drizzling was hard coz the ball was slippery and we have a hard time catching it or running after it. And of course, the ‘diving-thing’ won’t be missing. Hahaha. There are lots of it. To sum it all, kickball was great, even greater coz it’s drizzling, even greatest coz of my teammates! (: We’ll be getting ready for the game next week! Black Cat for the win! (:
One more thing! We forgot to warm up before the game -.- So tomorrow I can see myself, I can hear myself whining about how my body aches, how my muscles throb.
IN ONE of my subjects this semester, Psychology 1, we were given a life script. Yes a life script.. I thought it would be fun. I thought it would be easy.
Then I stare at the paper that was passed to me by an unknown seatmate. In the upper left corner —Life Script. Life script it is. It was filled with questions. Can’t remember how many but maybe there’s around 25 questions. As I scan the questions, one word catches my attention. My eyes were glued to that certain word. Then I started all over again. This time I didn’t just scan it. I read the questions. The first one was;
1. How do you see yourself?
And at that moment, I was stucked. I was stucked at the very first question. Before long I continue reading the following questions;
2. Three things I wanted to change to myself
And I was stunned again. What do I want to change?? After a brief moment;
3. How do you see your MOTHER?
4. How are you like your MOTHER?
5. How are you unlike your MOTHER?
6. Her main advice to me is
The first time I read that word I was like —what? The second time I was like —what the?! The third time I was like –are you kidding me?! The following question I was like —okaaaay (with my eyes getting wider and wider for every questions). Every time I read such word, it was like shouting to me, screaming through my ears..
7. How do you see your father?
8. How are you like your father?
9. How are you unlike your father?
10. His main advice to me is
I was calm but then panicking at the same time. Panicking, for I don’t know what will I write. I don’t know how will I answer those.
11. Some of the main do’s that were programmed to me are
12. Some of the main don’t’s that were programmed to me are
What main do’s? main don’t’s? I was really mixed up..
13. How do you see yourself as a child?
14. How do you see yourself as an adolescent?
15. How do you see yourself five years ago?
16. How do you see yourself five years from now?
Here it is again.. how do I see myself? as a child? as an adolescent? five years ago? five years from now? I am totally lost. I don’t really know how I see myself in the first place.
17. One important decision I made as a child was
18. One early decision that I felt I have change is
Decisions? I’ve got lots of it. Important.. I think all decisions are important. Tsk.. I don’t know if how I’m taking these..
19. If you would write your epitaph, what would your epitaph be?
Lived life. Befriended Fear. Welcomed death..
20. What do you want most out of life?
Oh there’s only one thing but two ways I want most out of life –the very popular yet complicated, love –to love and to be loved..
21. Three wishes you wanted to really happen
I’ve got wishes and I wanted it all to happen. But the most important? Well I’d rather kept it to myself..
22. I like myself when
23. I least like myself when
Here it goes again.. I don’t know when I like or when I don’t like myself -.- or maybe I’m just denying it. Oh I just said it. K.
24. My hobby(ies)/My talent(s) are
I know my hobbies but I didn’t know any talent of mine. -.-
I think the Life Script has 25 questions and I’m missing one more. And I can’t remember what it is or what it’s all about. -.- The questions written by me aren’t the exact words used in the questions in the Life Script but it was close enough, I can tell.
For every questions thrown to me by that paper, it was thrown like hell! I was speechless. I didn’t have any idea how I would answers such questions. I answered it for a very long time and there comes a point where I gave up anymore because I can’t think of any answers anymore. I’m drained. So what did I do? Simple as this, I simply leave some questions unanswered!
Not all the questions can be answered right away. Sometimes it takes time to accept the fact and be ready to answer the questions thrown to you. It takes seconds to answer but it takes a lifetime to know yourself. And this is when I’ve said; I really don’t know my life, myself, and there are things that were really hard to understand.
(picture from Google images)
SUMMER IS over,
But I still have hangover.
Classes are about to begin,
But too short summer had been.
Discussions and lessons..
Listening and talking..
Turns out to be;
Stories and jokes..
Doodling and talking..
Summer came and left
Left bringing with her the happenings
Happenings which once made us free
Free from anything which makes us feel something we don’t wanna feel
Anything which reminded us of things we don’t wanna know
Anything which forced us to listen to things we don’t wanna hear
Anything which tied us to the things we wanna leave
Anything which led us to the things that have hurt us
Just any feeling we don’t wanna dare to remember anymore!
But summer is over!
It’s a smile-eraser,
A happy life-killer,
Classes here they come
And I feel like.. damn!
All I wanna do is hum
Til I fall asleep as bum.
Hello school desk.
3 Idiots (2009) – HAVE YOU ever asked yourself (wherever you are right now, whatever you’re doing right now) about what you have reached and what you are now, is it your plan? Or a plan of others for you? Think. Go back to where you started. Remember the dream you wanted for yourself and not the others’ dream for you. This is a movie which reveals a story behind everyone, especially college students. A story about competition, pride, hope, faith, family, love, life, and —friends. This must-watch movie touches my heart. It shows that life is not about a race or money, not about competition or getting ahead of others, it is not what others want it to be. Life is just what you want it to be. Education is not about memorization or ranks, not about who’s first and who’s last or who’s top and who’s not, not about time and mind pressure, not about the degrees you have attained. Education is all about what you want to learn and what you have learned and how you have learned those. Love is not about prices, not about being an asshole for being blind or being dictated by others. Love is what you are feeling deep inside, true and everlasting. Faith is not about religion or who you believed in. Faith is simply what connects us to what we believe. Family is not about a command-and-follow relationship but a speak-and-listen relationship and a lean-on-me thing, not about a responsibility but a privilege. And most of all, in this movie; friendship. It is not about where-you’re-from or what’s-your-name thing but it is who you really are and how you really care.
I never regret the almost-three hours of my time, the almost-three hours that made me laugh, smile, and make my tears escape. Funny how friends can standby with their fellow friends no matter what, how friends can do strange things for the sake of their beloved friends. Aal izz well. Aal izz well!
(written: June 5, 2011)
(pictures from Google images)
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