When “We’re done” Ruined Me

MY LAST words for you
“I’m sorry.. but I still love you and I think I will always do”

But your last words to me
“We’re done”

as if all that has happened was just another game
as if what we have was just a plain label for you
as if all what we’ve been through was just.. just ‘having fun’
as if what we’ve felt wasn’t true.. wasn’t love
but it was is for me.

Well maybe you’re right..

it was just a game.. a game where I seriously and competitively played but then you won and that means losing everything– for me..

it was just a label.. a label which I treated as fragile but then you treated with no importance at all and that label was shattered..

it was just ‘having fun’.. a fun which I misunderstood as happiness but then it was just ‘having fun’ for you, nothing more..

it wasn’t true.. wasn’t love.. yet a simple truth and a pure love for me but then truth for you is just a word and that love is just another card in a deck of playing cards..

The words
even that short
has the power to break a bond.

The words
even that short
held an unlasting hurt.

The words
even that short
brought so much pain.

The words
even that short
is enough for me to shed tears.

The words
even that short
leave a scar on my heart
a hole in my life.

And the words
those words
came out of you.

^~~~^

Bestfriend Is More Than Just a Label

I’VE GOT no bestfriend. I never call anyone as my bestfriend rather. Yes I do have friends. Lots of them. But the thing is, from them, who are the true ones? But the thing is, from them, how will I know who are the true ones? I just want to leave it unanswered.

Bestfriend. One of my friends asked me; can you be my bestfriend? And my answer? I think it’s not a thing to ask for. It’s in the people. If they think you are a best friend to them then so be it. Do you think I’m rude for answering like that? I mean, yes, that friend of mine is one of my close friends. And I’m really overwhelmed she have asked that. I wanted to be her bestfriend but the thing is I’m afraid that our friendship will just become a label. I’m afraid that if I just answered her, okay then we’re bestfriends, our friendship will just be based from that label; a label without caring, a label without understanding, a label just so there’s a label, just a label and nothing more. And I never wanted it to happen.

Bestfriend. One of my friends asked me; who’s that? Your bestfriend? And my answer? Ah I don’t know, a close friend, yes, a close friend. Again, I never ever called anyone, even those who are close to me, as my bestfriend. So I have chosen to call them simply as friend or a close friend.

Bestfriend. I don’t have one. Or maybe I’m afraid to call one as my bestfriend. But deep inside me, I know who my bestfriends are. There are just things that scared me. Things that I don’t want to happen. Things that I don’t want to feel. Things that will flip my world upside down. Things that will swallow me. Things that will hurt me. Things that will… Maybe I fear that what if I call someone as my bestfriend and it’s not vice versa? Maybe I fear that what if I call someone as my bestfriend and it’ll just remain as a label? Maybe I fear that what if I call someone as my bestfriend and it’s not true at all?

Bestfriend;

I’d rather have a friendship built by understanding
than a friendship built by just a label.

I’d rather have a friendship with trust
than a friendship with label.

I’d rather have a friendship because of caring
than a friendship because of labeling.

I’d rather have a friendship bonded by one another
than a friendship bonded by a label.

I’d rather have a friendship strengthen thru time
than a friendship strengthen thru label.

I’d rather have a friendship that’s true and everlasting
than a friendship that’s unsure.

Let’s just not forget that friendship is not a label. Friendship is not about giving someone a label. Friendship is not about calling someone with a label.. Maybe one day, I can finally call, out loud, who my bestfriend(s) is(are) with all my heart.

^~~~^