The End Of No Beginning

YOU WON’T talk to me.
You don’t even mind looking at me.

I wanted to talk to you,
it’s just.. I’m too shy to do so.
I simply glimpse at you,
it’s just.. I don’t want you to notice.

We’re out of stories, nothing to talk about.
You wouldn’t open another topic.
But I want another conversation.
Yet I’m forced to say goodbye.

We’re out of stories, nothing to talk about.
I waited but you wouldn’t open another topic.
And I wanted another conversation.
I don’t want to hear you say goodbye.

We’ve talked and talked.
Talk about things, random things,
but never the things about us.

Please tell me to stay
and I’ll stay.

Please stay.
I wanted to say.
But I just can’t let the words out.

Please tell me you need me,
and I’ll be with you.

I need you.
I wanted to tell you.
But I just can’t manage to utter.

I need to go, I stare at you,
but you didn’t look back.
So I walk away with a pricked heart.

You need to go, I feel vulnerable,
so I didn’t look at you.
And you walk away, I’m with my pricked heart.

I let you go
but you’ll never know
because I never tell you so
what I really felt for you –status quo.

I let you slip away
but you’ll know in no way
because I never ever say
what I really felt for you right away.

 

Now tell me; there’s no love lost.
But I tell you; THERE IS A LOVE LOST.

^~~~^

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A Man Who Shed Tears

FOR A long time, he felt this way again. But he knows this time it’s different. Totally different. Before, those days were just days when he was tired and just doing things like drawing, listening to music, or sleeping will comfort him, will help him a little to forget things which made him feel heavy. But at this very moment, he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand even what he’s feeling.

He tried to draw but he can’t even manage his hand to move. He tried to listen to music but the song, its melody irritates his ears, its sounds turn out to be deafening. He tried to close his eyes, to sleep, but that feelings just got stronger, worse..

Why does he need to carry it alone? He found himself wanting to give up, wanting to quit. But he is a man. And men are strong. Yet not always. Men have their weaknesses. Men have their soft side which they prefer to be hidden. But this time, he can’t hide it. He can’t even manage to carry on. He just wanted the pain to stop, the pain which swallowed him and he allowed that such thing to happen.

He got a lot of things to be done but the only thing he wanted to do is cry. Cry –which others see as a verboten for men. As if seeing a man cries means he is not a man anymore, as if being a man means being a robot, as if being a man means having a heart of stone.

But he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care to anything. Beside, he’s too tired and feeling too empty to care what others thought of.

He wanted to cry maybe because when he does, it will ease the pain. Somehow. He just wanted the pain out of him, out of his system.

^~~~^