Becauses and Not To’s

I SLEEP because I sought to dream
–not to run away from problems.

I sleep because I sought to take it easy
–not to throw away time.

I eat because I sought to please my needs
–not to feed my wants. Continue reading

It Doubles The Burden

SOME SAYS it was alright. There’s nothing wrong with it. But there are some who don’t wanna hear it. They said that they don’t like it.

But to whom will I open my ears? I don’t know..

Maybe a friend of mine is right –everybody doesn’t need to know something. Continue reading

Acceptance

BRINGING OUT the worst not to be rejected

but to be accepted

^~~~^

A Mother Like This Isn’t a Mother At All

I HEARD a lot of things about mothers. How mothers know best, how a mother’s love’s unconditional, how a mother care so much, how a mother will sacrifice everything, how a mother will do everything, how a mother will do this-and-that-impossible stuff.. And all I can think of is “shit”.

I stop believing those phrases long ago! I’ve unlearn what the word mother means. It’s just a word for me and nothing more.. Even typing that certain word makes me feel like I’m doing something I must not be doing. It’s like a sin.. and so does writing this one.

Mother? I never had one. Ever.

But yes, sometimes it would hit me what it would be like to have a mother. A mother more than just word. A real mother. It would hit me and whenever it did, it’ll landed right through me making me feel like I’m just another human being betrayed, abandoned, and unloved. And I know you know what it felt like.

Questions punch me here and there even if I’m trying hard to avoid those, it will caught me off guard.. And their punches hurts. So much.

I don’t know why it hurts so much when in fact there’s no memory of leaving. I don’t know why it hurts so much when I’ve managed to live for 18 years without ‘it’. Yes, sometimes I prefer to use ‘it’ more than ‘mother’. I know it’s maybe somewhat rude but bear with me, I’m not used to using the word mother or mom. It rarely comes out of my mouth either.

All I want to know is what happened. Everybody’s mouth is shut up about it. Not even one wants to tell me. And I think I’m in the right age to know what really happened then. Someone owes me the truth..

I’m angry at her because she left us.. yet I don’t know if ‘left’ is the right word to use but hey it was her choice; a choice which ruins a life, a choice which deprived me something everyone needed, a choice she alone have chosen. After all these years, she can do anything just to talk to me but she never did anything at all. There are these social networking and stuff, we never change our address, she knows where we are but why doesn’t she act? Why don’t do anything if there’s so much ways? Why choose to stay away?

Maybe because she just doesn’t care. At all. Plain and simple.

Well thanks for bringing me in this world. And thanks, too, for making me suffer like this.

^~~~^

The Better Way

THE BETTER way?

There’s no other way.

There’s only one way.

Just one..

and you have

to make it better.

^~~~^

Significance Of The Ambiance

I’M GLAD we abandoned the milk tea shop which I don’t want to reveal the name. We went there to write (blog). But I can’t manage to even start. It’s because there were a lot of mouths. Mouths here and there without ears. People talk as if all they have are mouths, as if they’ve got no ears to hear and realize how loud their voices are.

And now here we are in Taza Mia. A coffee shop where I’m loving the ambiance. It’s my first time here even if I heard of it a vast of time. A coffee shop free of mouths. People are talking but not like the people there in the said milk tea shop earlier. Also the crews are good in a way approachable. The music isn’t deafening. Oh yes, I should stop comparing.. It’s just that, here I can find myself writing without any disturbances.

I’ve got a draft about the said milk tea shop and I’ve written it while we were there. I just feel like sharing this first than the ranting about the latter one.

^~~~^

The Truth Behind Lies and Truths

WHAT IS the plural of lie?

It’s lies right?

And what is the plural of truth?

Is it truths?

In some way it’s not. Truths is an uncountable noun. It means that we cannot count it. You wanted to know why??

It’s simple as this;

It’s because, in this world where we’ve grown up, there are so many lies! Lots of it. They are everywhere. Unlimited. Littering every truth. Stabbing everyone. Breaking every bond. They never got tired. BUT.. no matter how many lies there are, we all know that there is only one truth!

^~~~^

Let Me Close My Eyes

WHEN LAUGHS laugh with me,
I don’t wanna sleep,
I don’t even wanna close my eyes.

Terrified that if I do so,
smiles will run away even faster than Forrest Gump.

Terrified that if I do so,
faces will be as poker as John Keats’.

Scared that if I’ll open my eyes again,
the world will be different –a world where muggles are mutants,
the world will turn upside down –a world where wizards are slaves.

Scared that if I’ll open my eyes again,
I will lose ev’ry single good vibes
stolen by a person who got hands like Harry Houdini’s,
I will be staring at nothing,
staring as what Claude Monet would have been doing.

Scared that if I’ll open my eyes again,
reality will run through the veil of blurriness
like how Hermione’s Fidelius hide stuff,
reality will transform into the mirror of lies
like how Ron’s Fera Verto do so.

Petrified that things will switch itself into something
that even Albert Einstein can’t elucidate;
dreams into broken glasses as what happens
to the Dark Lord’s desire,
love into hatred as how we’ve love and hate
Haymitch Abernathy at the same time,
trust into betrayal as what Fernand and Danglars
did to Edmond Dantes.

But when misery soars up, together with the dementors,
higher than the clouds in the sky, ravenous for my happiness,
all I wanna do is close my eyes.

Close my eyes till it’s tired of craving,
close my eyes till it got a broken wing,
close my eyes till it dive into the ocean of tears.

Thinking that closing my eyes will fix everything as how magic works,
that closing my eyes will erase the feelings as how Alzheimer’s does.

Hoping that closing my eyes will make me as hard as a stone,
that closing my eyes will solve every equation of misery.

Believing that closing my eyes will put away the sorrow,
that closing my eyes will make my dreams better than the veracity.

Because once and for all,
I thought that closing my eyes, that seeing the nothing,
is the only answer to everything!


Let me close my eyes,

even just for a while.
I needed a time,
alone.

^~~~^

 

 

 

What’s On The Other Side?

EATING ON the second floor of a fastfood..

The boy on our left side stared at the nothingness and thinking of I don’t know. He doesn’t know I’m looking at him.

Then I veered my head downward where I saw the night lights of the streets..

The girl crossing the street was focused on the vehicle before her and heading to I don’t know. She doesn’t know I’m looking at her.

The man buying a cake for whom or for what, I don’t know. He doesn’t know I’m looking at him.

The group of students walking and laughing, what they are laughing for nor why, I don’t know. They don’t know I’m looking at them.

The couple, holding hands, they’re couple and it’s obvious but who are they and what they’re thinking of, I don’t know. They don’t know I’m looking at them.

I saw them. Look at them. Stare at them for a moment. Think of what they are thinking. But I don’t know their story nor did they know mine.

This is a good example of, I can say, we only know one side of the story.

Little did I know someone was looking at me.

I smiled at the thought that while I was busy looking at others and reading what’s running on their mind, someone was also busy looking at me. I veered my head and saw his face with a smile painted on it. And those eyes of him darted to me.. For a moment I thought he’s familiar, I thought I knew him, but I didn’t know him at all.

Maybe he was also thinking of what I’m thinking. Well I only know my side, not his.

We only know one side of the story.

^~~~^

 

It Is An Old Friend

I DON’T know how to react
I don’t know what to feel
I don’t know where to be
I don’t know why

I don’t know how to react
When I heard those kind of news
I know it’s not a good news
But there’s a part of me
That I can’t help but partake

I don’t know what to feel
When I heard those kind of news
I know it’s a bad news
But there’s a part of me
That I can’t understand

I don’t know where to be
When I heard those kind of news
I know it’s a serious thing
But there’s a part of me
That I can’t know where to be

I don’t know why
When I heard those kind of news
I know it’s a complicated thing
But there’s a part of me
That my mind tells, it’s –constant.

Those kind of news, those bad news, those serious things, those complicated things.. I know I’m not supposed to react. I know I’m not supposed to feel something. I know I’m not supposed to be talking about this. I know I’m out of this simply because it doesn’t concern me. Simply because they are just strangers to me. But what I’m talking about is… those people.. who.. left.. There in the latter world they gather. There in the latter world is where they are.

What I’m talking about is…

D E A T H.   i s.   n o r m a l.   D E A T H.   i s.   a n.   o l d.   f r i e n d.

^~~~^