Tell Me This Ain’t Sweet!

IF THIS is not friendship, then tell me what it is.

We used to be strangers. We used to be diffident. We used to be ‘just’ somebody.. but not until the hands of the clock played with us and made our paths crossed.

Why friendship really means a lot to me? Neither have I ever wanted to be alone nor manage to lose someone important to me over again..

We talk as if there’s a microphone in front of us. We share stories as if we never run out of it. We tell jokes as if we’re comedians. We sing even the corniest thing as if it is that noteworthy. We laugh as if tomorrow’s about to end. We giggle as if we’re the only people in the world. We laugh as if our laughter is set on its maximum volume. We laugh as if we never run out of air. We cry out even the slightest detail of happenings as if it would change a thing. And sometimes we even fight as if we’re still toddlers. Yet we seem to share everything.

We share even the nothing as if it is something. But for us, even the nothing is everything!

I never thought it would feel like this having you as my friends. I never thought I would belong in a bunch of crazy people. I never thought I would have people like you in my life. I never thought it would matter this big. And I cannot find the word that would describe your presence in my life, as if it didn’t exist yet.

You want to know the truth?

Even before I go to college, even before I step in this university, of course I was terrified because I knew that one step forward, everything will change. Once I go on, my life would be totally different than what it used to be when I was just in high school. So I decided to ask Him; Just give me a couple of friends and I’ll be okay. Just a couple.. and I think I’ll make it through..

I know He heard me but He didn’t give me that because He gave me people that are worth millions. He gave me people who I can call as friends. Maybe you don’t know what your effects on me are. But I’ll tell you guys, it’s big time.

I never plan to write this but it just pops out of me. I need to write this. I badly needed to write it out.

You guys.. You taught me to be tough. You taught me to stay optimistic. You taught me that lowering a pride doesn’t mean being weak. You taught me to express my feelings somehow. You taught me that showing emotions is not a bad thing. You taught me that opening up will make things better. You taught me to appreciate myself. You taught me that friendship is not just a word, that friendship is more than just what-you-are and what-you-have. You taught me that friendship is more than just a label.

You taught me things I never learned in school.

Once for all, you all know that I don’t say I miss you. You all know that I don’t say I love you. Those words hardly ever come out of my mouth. Seldom.. But you taught me.. And now I’m telling you once.. But telling you once doesn’t necessarily mean it’s just one time. Telling you once doesn’t mean I just feel it this time.

I’ll tell you once but this means that it’ll be forever. It’ll be as always. It’ll be until tomorrow ends. I miss you.. and I hate to say that.. I love you guys! There you go!

If this is not friendship, then tell me what is it? I don’t want to ask you to read this. I just wanted you to read this without me telling you to do so. But I hope you guys will see it. But this will be just another nothing if I won’t write your names. The bunch of crazy people; Berns, Mors, Chants, Raychel, Trisha, Pink.. and yes, they are my friends and I’m one of these crazy people.

If this is not friendship, then tell me what is it?



Unclothing The Unconcious Self

WHAT IS mandala? That was my question, too, upon hearing it. Yes it is a requirement to us to make one. But even if it is a must-do, our prof told us to take it seriously and do it with a peace of mind. It is sacred, she said.

I search for it in the internet to understand more about mandala. Mandala means circle. It is “a representation of the unconscious self”. So I really need to take it seriously. Our prof said it will tell a lot about ourselves through that mandala. We can use whatever we wan, we can draw whatever we want. But the circle is a requirement. Also, we should be drawing in a place where we feel comfortable, in a quiet place, in a place where we are relaxed..

Yes I don’t have any problem on drawing because it’s my passion. I draw. I want to draw. Drawing has been ‘in’ me. The only problem that I knew I will encounter is how to start and how to finish it.

To be honest, I find it hard to make a mandala. I find myself stuck, with nothing to think and nothing to draw. I’ve managed to finish my mandala (almost) within a day. I started to draw then I’ll stop and think. Hmm.. not just think, more on.. reflect on myself, about myself. Then draw again. Reflect. Draw. Until I’m satisfied with it.

Background story: I don’t have a favorite color. And I stopped using color or oil pastel in drawing. I just use a pencil. But where I’m really comfortable is in using pen (ballpen). Yes, pen. It’s alright with me if I’ll have a mistake. What is in my mind is that, if i did something wrong, I’ll do anything and everything to make it as perfect as possible. I know I can’t make it right anymore but it doesn’t mean that it will not be perfect.

Being good is not a compilation of right, but a compilation of wrongs with the right things to do to make everything fall into place.

So here’s my mandala in the making using pen:

my all-set mandala

I want to elaborate what every symbol, drawing, or image drawn in my mandala but it will take too much time and too much words. So I just want you to understand it for yourself. But feel free to ask me anytime, I am more than willing to answer it (:

By the way, I named my mandala; Naked Colors. And I’ve got a number of reasons why.. But I’ll let you handle the realization of why such (;