PEOPLE COME and go.
Yet, somewhere in the process,
some makes a stop Continue reading
DREAMS… WHO says it’s not real?
What is real then?
I may not remember this exact date (so I won’t write the date today). But I’ll probably remember this day. The day I’ve finally decided to let you go. It may be absurd because you are not mine –you never were. What I meant of letting you go is that, I’ve decided to walk out of your life.
Yes I know it’s not totally your loss. It was surely mine. You may not even notice that I’m gone. Continue reading
WHEN I was a child, I’m fond of airplanes. Not airplanes as it is but airplanes in the sky.
Like any other child, seeing an airplane hovering above is magical –atleast that’s what I thought.
I want to see airplanes. Neither did I know, it gives me a different feeling. As a toddler, I’m longing to see airplanes so I waited and waited. Nighttime is much more beautiful. The blinking light that they made, the way it passes by up above the night sky like a shooting star..
is was magical.. Before long, I realized; airplanes made me sad.
Airplanes made me sad because it gives me hope –a hope that’ll be forever as it is. Those moments– whenever I see an airplane, I will stretch my hand and pointed it. Not yet satisfied with that action, I’ll proudly cry;
there’s an airplane!
as if being the first one to see the airplane is something.
Airplanes made me think of someone. Seeing an airplane gives me the hope of seeing that someone who is special to me. Everytime I see an airplane, I assume that my SS (someone special) is in that plane and in a moment or two, I’ll be able to meet him. I know it’s not possible but for a child, there’s nothing impossible, right?
And it goes on. I can’t help myself from assuming that he is really there in that plane I’m seeing, that he’s just there right above me looking for me on the ground –I’m hoping that I’ll see him, expecting that I’ll have him with me all the time like what I saw in any other toddlers.
Yes this goes on til I grew up –and so does the hurting.
Seeing an airplane is magical.. yet dismal.
I SLEEP because I sought to dream
–not to run away from problems.
I sleep because I sought to take it easy
–not to throw away time.
I eat because I sought to please my needs
–not to feed my wants. Continue reading
DON’T know what’s going on
they are laughing
they are whispering
i’m out of it
been told a lie
seeing a family
‘dad’ and ‘mom’
hearing the word mother
thinking of grandparents
saw them together
got my heart pricked
i die a little
i die a little
I THINK I like him…
I enjoy teasing him because I wanna see his smile. I want to see him everyday.. I will talk to him about random things just to make a conversation. I want to hear his laugh.. And I like it when he’s beside me. I think I like him.
THESE ARE the times when I don’t wanna think of things. I’ll busied myself with other stuff. Stuff which has nothing to do with acads. Yes.. I don’t wanna think of acads. So it’s been my hobby to procrastinate. I know procrastinating is no good.. but so does acads. I don’t like what I’m doing, I don’t want what I’m doing.
Maybe you can’t understand me. Maybe nobody does.. It’s just that… studying is out of my vocabulary. Studying is good. But it’s not when I don’t like what I’m studying. Okay, it all comes down to this: I don’t want my course, my degree.
Maybe it’s too late. Really late. But even from the start, I never like my course. I accepted the fact that I’m taking this course. And I’ve been taking this for almost three years. I’m close to finishing this degree. But whenever I think of it, whenever I study.. I always find myself shaking my head. This is not what I want. This is just a waste of my time. So I never excel in any of my subject. For three years I am trying to survive.. as well as now.
My goal should be: the highest, the best. But my real goal: passing, satisfactory. I don’t care if I didn’t get the highest grade, my only goal is to pass all of my subjects and graduate on time. “Graduate on time” will be my gift to myself. I mean, it’ll be the greatest gift because it’ll mark as the end of my burden. It’ll mark as the end of my wasted time. It’ll be the mark as the end of someone’s life on my life. It’ll be the beginning of me! It’ll be the start of my own life. It’ll be the very start.. to live my own life.. to do what I wanted to do long ago.. to be free and live as the person I should’ve had.
Today.. I am living their life. I am living what they wanted. But one day. One day I’ll be me. One day I’ll live my life. One day it’ll be what I wanted, not what I’m forced to wanted.
I’m looking forward to that day.. I’ll be waiting for that day!