She Loves The Rain And You Don’t

IT STARTED to rain. People get their umbrellas to avoid the raindrops, to avoid from getting wet. Some started to run looking for a place nearby to hide from the raindrops, to avoid from getting wet. Some don’t know what to do. Some started to take a ride to avoid from getting wet. Cats and dogs started to run searching for something to use or some place to hide to avoid from getting wet. Birds from different directions started to fly searching for, if not trees then some place to stay to avoid from getting wet.

For that moment, it seems all people, even animals, don’t want to get wet, that’s what they’re thinking; getting wet. Getting wet will ruin them, ruin their day, their clothes, their appearance.

But there is this one girl who, among others, didn’t mind. She watches as the raindrops fall from the sky to the leaves of the trees, to the grasses, to the people, to the rooftop, to earth.

She wanted to feel the touch of the rain. In the middle of that raining, she stayed. She closes her eyes. She felt its touch, its touch seems comforting her. She heard its every drops, its drops seems talking to her. She felt its coldness, its coldness seems hugging her. She opened her eyes and started to run. She runs in circles, arms wide open, through the rain; hugging it, feeling it, appreciating it, letting the water lingers on her skin. A smile was formed in her face, a smile of sadness with appreciation. It was great, really.

If one is watching her right at that moment, they will not recognize the sadness that encompasses her. They will not notice the tears running down her face. They will not see the remorse in her eyes. They will never know that the smile in her face was a smile of sadness.

She loves the rain for it loves her back. It protects her. It makes her happy. It comforts her. It talks to her. And most, it hides her feelings. She felt the safety under the rain. People hate it but always will she loves it.

^~~~^

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She Shouldn’t Be Looking For It

SHE WANNA be in. She wanted to be in the trend. And what’s in? Everybody seems to be in love. Everyone seems to be happy about it. She wants to be one of those everybody, she wants to be  one of those everyone.

So she made a step to be one. A step that will finally makes her smile every time. A step that her feet have been waiting to take. A step that will make her in in the circle of lovers. A step to look for love.

Yes, she did look for love. Never did she think that the step she took will lead her not to the path she wanted. It took her to the path of pain. The path of pain where hurt is her guidance. She forced herself to search for it and remorse grew inside her. She shouldn’t be looking for love. There is a right time for it. There is a right person for her.

^~~~^

A Heart To Be Hurt

MY LIFE was incomplete. It will never be complete. And you are to blame! Yes it’s you. Shit the things you have done. Shit the path you have chosen. Shit the choice you have made. Well let’s give thanks to those shits because without those I’ll never have the chance to write this shit full of shits.

I don’t know why I’m wasting my time writing this. Maybe just to let the shit out of me, maybe just to blame you, maybe just to ruin your life as what you did to mine, maybe just to hurt you as how you’ve hurt me. But I doubt it. You can’t feel. You have no conscience. You don’t even have a heart to be hurt at all. If you have a heart maybe it’s not beating, maybe it’s fake, maybe it’s different to the point no one, even scientific elucidation, can explain, maybe it’s not a heart at all. Because if you really have a heart, you will never do such things. You will never decide such decisions. You will never choose such option. You will never hurt such innocent.

But because you don’t have a real heart you do such things, things I will never even think of doing. I will never be like you. I have a heart, a heart you have stepped like what you have done to a bit of cigarette, a heart you have thrown like what you have done to a candy’s wrapper, a heart you have ruined even before it becomes intact. I was so vulnerable, so weak, so feeble, so frail, so helpless, so fragile, and so delicate, that just breathing seems to be the hardest thing to do.

You made me feel that way and I will never learn how to forget how you made me feel. Yet you’re still not contented. You wanted to be remembered. So in my heart you carved. And you did what you want; your signature in my heart will always be here. No matter how hard I try to remove it, to scratch it, there’s nothing I can do.

You just won. For you, winning is hurting and letting others down. I didn’t know what you are, I didn’t know what to call you. You’re just an existing creature nothing more. After all these years, I still cannot forget the pain. It’s still affecting me. It’s still ruining me. It’s still sipping my soul out. It’s still emptying me. And I think, as long as I live so will the agony.

Are you happy? Are you at ease? Are you satisfied to what you have done? Or are you still not contented? Are you pleased that you have hurt me? Or you still wanted to hurt me? Are you thrilled that you’re still affecting my life? Or you wanted more? Are you delighted to see me shedding tears? Or do you want me to shed blood? Are you fulfilled to see me living with misery? Or you wanted me to see not breathing at all? You have ruined my life and still you’re longing to steal it?

Why I even ask, eh you don’t have a heart to feel! I feel sorry for you. There’s one thing in this world that you can’t feel. And never will you experience it. One thing that’s very special, very extraordinary, and very real. It’s love! You’re out of love. Love for you is just a word. But there’s more to love. It isn’t just a word you can spell. It isn’t just a word you can read. It isn’t just a word and you will never know what it is. You will never understand. You will never feel how to love and to be loved. Pity! I am done here. Even if this shit is full of shits, it’s for you! Thanks to your shits. My last words for you; I shittingly shitting you. Sorry there seems to be no words existing that I can express what I’m feeling for you.

(Sorry for some harsh words I’ve used.)

^~~~^

Still a Great Escape

WHEN WHAT I only hear is Music… I am relieved. Relaxed. Alive most of the time. Listening to Music is like drowning my soul into oblivion. When it comes to Music, I am a total random. He makes me feel good, better.

But there are times, instead of bringing me into the world of oblivion, Music drowns me to the sea of heaviness, to the ocean of sadness. He also teaches my tears to run.

I put my earphones on and turn the volume up. I don’t wanna hear anything; about things, about everything. I want to go to where music will bring me, to the world I rarely visit but to the world where I wanted to stay. Listening, sometimes, is tiring; even if there’s no need to do anything at all. No movement needed, no effort required, just time and ears. But even time and ears seem exhausted of waiting and hearing such things. So Music is my savior, he’s my best escape.

He’s my way of escaping but he also catches me, put his arms around me and embraced me tightly. I cannot outrun him because in the first place, I didn’t think of running believing that he will bring me to the world I wanted and when he brought me to the latter world, I can’t struggle anymore because I’m already in that world.  Jailed into the world of worry where he lets my heart feels what I felt, lets myself  worry to what had happened, lets my mind think what I have thought.

People and happenings came flashing, blinding me with pain, hitting me with feelings, stabbing me with remorse. And it’s because of the songs; its mouth singing the words, its hand producing the melody. The words let me remember people, people who matter to me. And the melody lets me remember feelings, feelings I felt for those who matter to me. Then happenings, happenings that have happened to me and to those people. But then, I thank Music for he makes me alive; makes me feel the pain, makes me see the hurt, but then Music also brings me to the world where I belong.

He is still my great escape.

^~~~^