S’es

Sleep wouldn’t come
Summoned from different entity
Still nowhere to be found

Something did turn up
Some words uncalled from nonentity
Singing to my hands Continue reading

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Moving Forward; Leaving Behind

I BOUGHT the ticket
–for two..

I sat and waited
in an empty station Continue reading

A Cup Of Coffee


I AM reading
with a cup of coffee

I am studying
with a cup of coffee

I am drinking
a cup of coffee

I don’t want sleep to arrive
I don’t want any yawn to come
I don’t want any hint of sleepiness

So here I am
with a cup of coffee.

^~~~^
(picture from Google images)

I Want To Sleep, IT Won’t Let Me

I WANT to sleep
but it would visit me

I want to sleep
but it wanted to meet me

I want to sleep
but it’s been waiting for me

I want to sleep
but it can’t wait patiently

I want to sleep
but I don’t want it to happen

I want to sleep
my eyes were drugged to close
but I know it was just forcing me

I want to sleep
dig deep and deeper in dreamland
but I know it would bring me to graveyard

I want to sleep
but it simply wouldn’t let me.

I want to sleep
without it happening
it —sleep paralysis..

^~~~^

It’s Past Two AM

IT’S PAST two am and half of the world
is sleeping, they’re in dreamland
some having a good time, some are not.

It’s past two am and half of the world
is wide awake, doing their daily works,
cause it’s not two am in their place.

It’s past two am and here I am doing this
just to fill the boredom while waiting for the time,
the time that will change my life as a student.

It’s past two am and I can’t think
of any other thing to do.

It’s past two am and I think of eating
but it was an absurd thing to do,
at this time of the night.

It’s past two am and the television is still running,
music encompasses my surroundings,
it didn’t care to wake someone up.

It’s past two am and I tried to draw,
but I’m not in the mood.

It’s past two am and I tried to sleep
but my system get used to it;
not sleeping at the time I must be sleeping.

It’s two am and here I am
chatting with my friends
who didn’t think of sleeping too.

It’s past two am, so just to kill the boredom,
here I am again.
Writing. Blogging.
Writing. Blogging.
Writing. Blogging.

It’s past two am…

^~~~^

A Man Who Shed Tears

FOR A long time, he felt this way again. But he knows this time it’s different. Totally different. Before, those days were just days when he was tired and just doing things like drawing, listening to music, or sleeping will comfort him, will help him a little to forget things which made him feel heavy. But at this very moment, he doesn’t know, doesn’t understand even what he’s feeling.

He tried to draw but he can’t even manage his hand to move. He tried to listen to music but the song, its melody irritates his ears, its sounds turn out to be deafening. He tried to close his eyes, to sleep, but that feelings just got stronger, worse..

Why does he need to carry it alone? He found himself wanting to give up, wanting to quit. But he is a man. And men are strong. Yet not always. Men have their weaknesses. Men have their soft side which they prefer to be hidden. But this time, he can’t hide it. He can’t even manage to carry on. He just wanted the pain to stop, the pain which swallowed him and he allowed that such thing to happen.

He got a lot of things to be done but the only thing he wanted to do is cry. Cry –which others see as a verboten for men. As if seeing a man cries means he is not a man anymore, as if being a man means being a robot, as if being a man means having a heart of stone.

But he doesn’t care anymore, he doesn’t care to anything. Beside, he’s too tired and feeling too empty to care what others thought of.

He wanted to cry maybe because when he does, it will ease the pain. Somehow. He just wanted the pain out of him, out of his system.

^~~~^

Factual Nightmare: Those Sleepless Nights

WAY BACK three years this “thing” was first experienced by me. Every night whenever I go to bed I am frightened thinking that it will happen again. Every night I found myself lying awake staring at the darkness that encompasses my room wondering how real it was, how real it has happened.

We were peacefully sleeping, four of us in bed; in my right was my sibling and in my left was my aunt. Before long I heard a loud BANG!, just like something really gigantic has fallen in our roof. Then I questioned myself, didn’t they (people I’m with in the room) hear that? That sound was loud enough and it scared me, I was confused that they didn’t even hear that. I saw a shadow in our window which was open but we do have a screen so the insects cannot get in.

Back with the shadow I saw, it has red eyes but it was only a shadow, a shadow that looks frightening which I can call as a bodyless beast.  I was anxious, uneasy; it was pulling me towards the window, pulling me using its red eyes. I felt my body floated heading for the bodyless beast except something was holding me back, I think that something was myself, I was holding myself back. I heard someone was praying, begging God. I veered my head and saw my aunt murmuring, speaking softly but very fast. She was the one praying, a rosary in her hands with her eyes tightly closed. I decided to fight back, to stop the bodyless beast from abducting me. I was kicking and punching so hard but I cannot move. I tried to move my head but I can’t, my hands, my feet, it was like “they” was holding me tight. “They” were I do not know if human beings or just many shadows like bodyless beast. I yelled at them.

Sonofabitch! Let go of me!”, “You sonofabitch!”, “Let me go!”, “You all are shit!”, those were the phrases I barked but how much louder I shouted those, there are no sounds coming out of my mouth, it’s just in my mind that I’m shouting. I cannot move, cannot speak, and cannot even open my eyes. Then I need to do something, I tried and tried to move and shout but nothing happened. The bodyless beast was so close to getting me.

Before long I attempted again to move my leg then I woke up. I was so nervous and I inspected my surrounding, all of them were sleeping. Nothing had happened. It was just a nightmare, but a very real nightmare. Sleep. My body was begging me to sleep, my eyes wanted to sleep but I don’t want to. Like something was drugging me to sleep again. So I get up, turned on the light and jumped and jumped and jumped. I went to sleep again with the rosary in my hand praying for God’s protection.Since that happened, I find it hard to sleep at night. I started to search it on the net and found out that some had also experienced that. Until today, it never stop happening to me. It will occur for at least twice a week or at most twice a month.

^~~~^

(pictures from Google images)