Tanging Kapalaran

SA PAGPIKIT ng aking mga mata,
ay syang pagmulat ng mga luha.

Sa paghiga tuwina sasapit ang kadiliman,
ay sya namang pagbangon ng kalungkutan.

Tila ngayon ko lang tanging naintindihan,
Tila ngayon lang kung kailan aking naramdaman.

Nagmahal at nasaktan,
yan ang aking kapalaran.

Magmamahal at masasaktan,
yan ang ating kapalaran.

^~~~^

Sagradong Luha

SA TUWINANG pagsapit ng gabi.. sa aking pagtulog
hindi ko ninais na patayin ang ilaw.

Dahil ang kadilimang hatid ng hatinggabi’y
animo’y pagbuhat sa mundong kay bigat.

Hindi ko ninais na maiwan sa silid tulugan.
Sa apat na sulok ng naturang silid, waring nakakulong.

At sa pagpatay ng ilaw na sya lamang nagbibigay liwanag
ay sya ding pagpatak ng mga luha kong nananahimik.

Ang buwan na lamang ang aking kasipi.
Ang buwan na lamang ang syang tanging sa aki’y nakikiluha.

Ngunit gagatiting na liwanag sa aki’y ipinagkaloob..
Kadiliman pa din ang syang naghahari.

Mga luhang walang tigil na bumubuhos.
Wala mang tunog ang hinagpis ng aking nararamdaman,
wala mang hikbi sa pagluha ng aking mga mata,
ako’y patuloy pa ring nananahimik.

Tahimik na nasasaktan.
Waring nagpapakamanhid kahit sa loob loob ay nadudurog.

Tahimik na nagtitimpi.
Waring nagwawalang bahala kahit sa loob loob ay naghuhumiyaw.

Tahimik na pilit at patuloy pa ring kumakawala
sa pagkakayakap ng kalungkutan sa’king munting mga braso.

Tahimik na lumalaban kahit sa loob loob
ay nanghihina’t nalalapit na ang pagsuko..

Bakit lumuluha ang aking mga mata?
Bakit?

^~~~^

Waring Nababaliw

WARING NABABALIW sa paglipas ng araw
doon, dito, at sanman, ang hanap ay ikaw
kahapon, kanina, maya’t maya, ika’y tinatanaw
sa aking mga titig ika’y matutunaw

Waring nababaliw sa paglipas ng gabi
sa aking isipan ikaw ang siyang sumasagi
sa aking pagtulog ika’y di maisantabi
sa aking panaginip ika’y namamalagi

Waring nababaliw sa aking nararamdaman
kahit ang sarili’y ‘di ko na rin maintindihan
nagagawang maitago ngunit hanggang kailan
aking pagtingi’y tunay, ito ang katotohanan

Waring nababaliw sa tuwing ika’y napapansin
kailan mo ba malalaman ang lihim na pagtingin?
kailan mo ba makikita ang tunay na lihim?
ako’y nahihirapan at ako’y nasasaktan din.

^~~~^

Ano’ng Meron Sa Butas Ng Donut?

ANG BUHAY ay parang donut, may butas sa gitna..

May kulang ba? Bakit kailangan may butas? Ilan lang yan sa mga tanong na marahil naiisip ng ibang tao kagaya ko.

Hindi natin alam kung ano yung palaging kulang, hindi natin alam kung bakit dapat may butas sa gitna. Hindi natin alam yung dahilan..

Pero hindi ba, hindi natin naiisip yung mga bagay na yun? Hindi naman natin sya napapansin? Pero tulad nga ng iba, marahil ay tulad ko din na nais din malaman. Marahil tulad ng iba at tulad ko ay sumagi sa isipan na magtanong o mag isip ng mga ganung bagay.

Donut. Oo, masarap. Kakagatin natin. Kakainin.. Hanggang sa maubos. Donut. Pag kinain na natin saka natin marerealize sa huli na wala palang kulang.

Walang kulang. Na sapat na pala. Kung minsan gusto pa natin, parang nakukulangan. Pero ang di natin alam ay kapag kumain ulit tayo sa pangalwang pagkakataon ay hindi ba, hindi tulad ng satisfaction na naramdaman natin sa unang pagkakataon? Iba pa din ang isa. Iba pa din ang una.

Sapat na ang isa. Dalwahin mo at masarap pa din ngunit bumaba ang kalidad. Tatluhin mo at mas nabusog ngunit sapat lamang sa pandadagdag sa tyan at di na inisip ang sarap o lasa. Apatin mo at sobra na.. Limahin mo at hanggang sa isuka mo na.

Ewan ko kung bakit ko ‘to sinusulat. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit ko ‘to naiisip. Hindi ko rin alam kung sasang-ayon kayo sa akin. Ang tanging alam ko lang ay sa pagkain ng donut.. Ngunit hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ito sumagi sa isipan ko.

Parang buhay ang donut. Ika ko nga nung una, may butas. May kulang? Ngunit pag kinain saka lang mararamdaman na “ay, tama lang pala. ay, masarap pala”

Parang buhay na kapag namuhay lang tayo, may kulang?

Parang buhay na sa kakaisip natin kung ano yung kulang nakakalimutan natin ang ibang bagay na nasa harap na natin.

Parang buhay na sa kakaintindi natin sa mismong buhay, naiwawalang bahala natin ang mga ibang bagay na may tunay na kahulugan sa atin.

Parang buhay na sa kakahanap natin sa kulang ay sya din pagkawala ng paningin natin sa kahalagahan ng kung ano’ng meron tayo.

Parang buhay na akala natin palaging kulang, hindi pala.

Hindi pala. Sapagkat kaya lang naman sya nagkukulang ay dahil na rin sa ating kaisipang “may iba akong kailangan”

Sapagkat kaya lang naman sya nagkukulang ay dahil na rin sa hinaing nating “bakit wala ako nito? bakit wala ako nun?”

Sapagkat kaya lang naman sya kulang ay dahil na rin sa paniniwalang “bakit ba palaging may kulang?”

Bakit hindi nating subukang mamuhay lang at wag intindihan ang kulang.. wag kwestyunin ang buhay..

Huwag na tayong mag aksaya pa ng panahon sa pag intindi sa mismong buhay, mamuhay na lang tayo sa alam nating paraan.

Tara! Iwanan muna ang mga isipin. Donut? (:

^~~~^

Masama Ako

MASAMA AKO
dahil hindi ko kayang tanggapin

Masama ako
dahil kaya kitang ilaglag

Masama ako
dahil hindi kita sasang-ayunan

Masama ako
dahil sasabihin kong mali ka

Masama ako
dahil hindi kita naiintindihan

Masama ako
dahil ako na yung nasasaktan

Masama ako
dahil ayaw kitang mapahamak

Masama ako
Alam ko
na ang sama sama ko

Pero bakit hindi mo tanungin yung sarili mo;
masama ba ako?

Baka sakaling hindi mo ako husgahan
Baka sakaling ganun ka din pala

Masama ba talaga ako?

^~~~^

Isang Segundo

ISANG SEGUNDO
isang bata ang nabunggo
si kamatayan ang nanalo.

Isang segundo
isang sanggol ang isinilang sa’ting mundo
si tagapaghatid ay ‘di nagpatalo.

Isang segundo
isang kaarawan ang idinaos
si kasiyahan ay nakisalo.

Isang segundo
isang damdamin ang nabuo
si pagmamahal ang sumalo.

Sa isang segundo
isang buhay ang pinutol
isang buhay ang ipinagbunyi
isang kaarawan ang pinagsaluhan
isang pagmamahalan ang umusbong
isang pangyayari ay sabay sabay nangyari.

Sa isang segundo
si kamataya’y nanundo
si tagapaghatid ay sumulong
si kasiyaha’y lumipad at dumapo
si damdami’y nagliwaliw at umusbong.

Sa isang segundo
pangyayari’y ‘di tumitigil sa pagtakbo
anuman ang dala; positibo o negatibo
haya’t kaliwa’t kanan ang panggugulo.

Sa isang segundo
ako’y litung-lito
ako’y nahulog na ba sayo?
o sa kanya pa rin ang puso ko?

Sa isang segundo..

^~~~^

Such a Movie: Watawat (Flag)

WATAWAT (2009) IS a tagalog independent film directed by Dave Cecilio. The movie went back to the time when the Philippine flag is being created. The movie also highlights some significant events in the Philippine history.

(Side story: I am excited to watch the movie, Watawat, because I want to see how the movie was prepared, how some well-known characters were being portrayed and because after watching the Ang Bayaning Third World I found it interesting to watch movies about history.)

The idea of the movie was great. I didn’t know any other historical movies which story revolves around how a flag was done. Not just a flag, but a symbol of a country, a symbol of independence. When the movie started, I can’t hide my excitement so I was really silent then absorbing the introduction part. Before long, I found myself asking myself, “Is it starting already?”, and I end up asking my friend beside me if it really have started and he said so. I don’t know how many sighs and yawns I have done during the one and a half hour of gazing at the screen but I swear there’s many. I simply didn’t enjoy the movie. It was boring, uninteresting, and unexciting. I know it’s not supposed to be exciting but it’s supposed to be interesting yet it ends up boring. I have difficulties reading the subtitles maybe because of its font. Also some ‘important’ details were wrong; just like the dates. Dates are not really important but when it comes to history; history can never be a history without dates. There are scenes that I don’t understand or why such even placed in the movie. The characters have same accent, not only that, they are monotonous. I mean, why the characters can’t have different tone of voice. Just like Josephine Bracken; I even asked my friends, “Is that Josephine Bracken?” and my question was answered when I heard her name from the other characters. It’s because the tone of her voice, she sounded more like a Filipino not an Irish, unlike the Josephine Bracken in the Ang Bayaning Third World. Having watched the Ang Bayaning Third World I was sorry for I can’t avoid comparing. When you close your eyes, you can’t have distinction between the characters, you cannot be sure if two different persons are having conversation. The only part that I like was when we sang our National Anthem.

After the movie, the director, Dave Cecilio gave the opportunity to comment or to ask him about the movie. He explained not few but several parts of the movie. For me, he was defensive. He is even proud that his movie was done under thirteen days. He also said that his movie was violent-free for his target audiences include children under kindergarten and he needed the RPG rating in order for the movie to be watched by under age. He also said that he wants his movie to be valued by different generations of the society. He is as well pompous as he said that his movie cannot be pirated. He stated that as the process of making his movie lengthen, the expenses also increase; that this movie is not only a matter of arts but also a balance of expense.

The movie should speak for itself. It doesn’t need to be explained or defended by the film maker. For thirteen days he was proud that his movie was successfully finished but then it was more like a presentation than a movie. Just like a presentation made by amateurs. What just makes it a movie is the length of the time it consumed; 90 minutes. He wants his movie to be understood and appreciated by kindergartens which is impossible because in the first place they were just children! Children at that age cannot really understand history even if how hard we try to explain or teach it. If he wants his movie to be appreciated, his targeted audiences must be those who are aware and who have the capability to understand our history. In order for a movie to be appreciated it must be understood first. The movie was violent-free but then a good movie needs that. A historical movie should have at least some violence; it’s not necessarily a must but a great movie requires it just as how a love story needs romance. He was making a historical movie and he wants it to be cherished but then he is not ready to spend a lot of money. I mean, hey it’s a historical movie, it’s gonna be watched by the Filipinos, and he wanted the people to be grateful about it and it’s about the Philippine flag, our flag, but he said, “It’s not about the money, it’s about the expense.” Well, it’s just the same. He, himself, is not open-minded to the fact that he needed a large amount of money in order to produce a great historical movie. He was pleased that his movie was not being pirated, well in the first place who will have the interest to waste time pirating such movie? I am not being rude but the movie gave me reasons to be, I’m just saying that the movie is horrible. A hundred pesos is not worth watching it. My money was just wasted as well as my time.

It’s just that it didn’t satisfy my expectations, it’s just that the movie didn’t speak for itself, I just didn’t appreciate it. It was lacking in many ways.

^~~~^

Ang Bayaning Third World (The Movie)

Seeking for The Truth with Closed Eyes

            ANG BAYANING Third World is a Tagalog movie portraying Dr. Jose Rizal’s life. Not really Rizal’s life, but what happened way back in his time. In this detective movie, the two protagonists who were planning to make a movie out of Rizal’s life seek for the truth. They wanted to make a movie about Rizal that will catch the attention of the people. They attempt to find out what really happened. It was unique how the movie was done. The two protagonists, while searching for the answers they wanted, unconsciously traveled way back in the 18th and 19th century just to talk to Rizal and to some people who were close to his heart; Dona Teodora, Paciano, Trining, Narcissa, and Josephine Bracken. They fire such questions, questions, and questions as they were oblivious to their ranting, oblivious to their words, oblivious to whom they were talking to, oblivious to the veracity that it was just an imagination. In doing so, they end up confused and mystified for all they have are only speculations. They do not know the truth but they’re trying to find out using theories and conjectures which led them not into the truth but just conclusions. Conclusions they just made up.

The two protagonists are like the representation of Filipinos. The two protagonists are so eager to know the truth just like us. We, Filipinos, are so eager to know the truth. We are so eager to know all the answers to the questions we fired as if not knowing the answers will kill us. Just like what the movie explained; will it matter if we know the truth? Will it matter if we know what really had happened? Will it change the fact that Dr. Jose Protacio Rizal Mercado Y Alonso Realonda is our national hero? “Kanya kanyang Rizal” —the phrase quoted in the movie said it all. It is based on ourselves what we believe is to be true.

I swear that after watching the movie, just like the characters in the said movie, I was confused ready to fire questions but then some questions are rather answered by questions too.

^~~~^